Beautiful Mess
by minirix
Summary: Set almost three years after 'Chuck vs. the Final Exam'. After Sarah left with Shaw, Chuck went to Rome; vowing to leave his past behind him. But fate has a different plan for him when he was partnered with a familiar face from his past.
1. Chapter 1

_Set almost three years after 'Chuck vs. the Final Exam'. After Sarah left with Shaw, Chuck went to Rome; vowing to leave his past behind him. But fate has a different plan for him when he was partnered with a familiar face from his past._

_(A huge thanks to fAteD LOvE for being such an awesome beta reader. Anything that you might find even remotely interesting in here is all due to FL – she pointed me in the right direction. But every other cringe inducing and eyeball-rolling moment: that's all me. I'll take the blame for that and more ;D )_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck but if I did, I'd be happy to share him with Sarah. But as for Zach Levi... that's another matter_ :)

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_BEAUTIFUL MESS_

He knew that she would come looking for him. She always did.

And judging by the abrupt manner in which he'd left her side – it was only a matter of time.

Chuck hugged his knees to his chest, just contented to soak in the sight of the pristine beach; the undesired fury that burned a shade of green inside him had long been quelled by the cool night breeze. A triumphant smile bloomed slowly on his lips when he finally heard her footfalls on the deserted stretch of white sand.

"Am I that easy to read?"

The question was soon followed by her disbelieving scoff.

"Like a book."

His companion seated herself next to him, imitating his seating position.

"Halfway around the world and I still don't need a tracking device to know just exactly where you'd be," she added.

"Is _that _so?"

"Two years, seven months and eighteen days, _partner_. Need I say more?"

Chuck rubbed his chin thoughtfully with his palm, "I didn't know you were counting. Was I that bad a partner?"

Chuck felt rather than saw her narrowing her eyes at him and considering that he had yet to look at her fully in the face, Chuck knew that her annoyance was more than warranted.

He also realized that aggravating an already irate agent who probably knew more than a hundred different ways to kill him was definitely not the wisest thing that Chuck Bartowski should be doing – not to mention immature.

However, the nerd was more than willing to annoy rather than address an emotional issue he'd neither understood nor brave enough to confront. Hence avoidance of the topic by any means necessary seemed to be the order of the day.

And so far, so good...

"Well that really depends, doesn't it? When an agent," she grabbed his arm, "decided to become a jackass and ditched his partner at a club when it was clearly _his_ idea of an evening of fun before we fly off tomorrow, 'bad' sounds like a gross understatement, doesn't it?"

... However the laws of the universe dictate that all good things must come to an end. Clearly his partner was beyond agitated: she was pissed. Chuck was just glad that she was not a shouter – no matter how furious she got.

Deciding to thread lightly, Chuck pulled his infamous puppy dog look, "Aww...come on," he pleaded, bumping her shoulder, "the place was called the Banana Club. How could you possibly enjoy yourself at a club named after a fruit? It's tacky."

"Save it, agent Romeo." She glared at him, folding her arms. "That look might have melted many a female agent's heart but not this one."

"Not even a bit?" Chuck asked hopefully, indicating it with the space between his thumb and index finger. "Okay... fine."

"That's _it_?" She asked incredulously, "That's all you have to say? An admittance of your aversion to the phallic fruit is all I'm going to get?"

Chuck grimaced slightly, comprehending that he shouldn't be pushing his luck too far.

"Look," he started, looking at her apologetically, "I'm sorry. Really, I am. I know it was my idea to have a night out but doing so at a club... was not what I had in mind. I thought..."

"You thought..."

"I uh," Chuck stammered, scratching the back of his head, "I thought it would just be a quiet night out, you know, the usual stuff; just the two of us, sight seeing, dinner," he blurted out, "and- What? What's with that look?"

She regarded him thoughtfully, a sly smirk spreading across her features, "Why, Chuck..." she rested her forearm on his shoulder, "that sounds an awful lot like a date to me."

"Wha- Date?" he gasped, eyes bulging. "Ah," Chuck chuckled nervously, "no... no, no, no... date? No, _nooo. _Aha...you kill me with your humour."

"Wow," her smirk broadening, "_six_ nos. Methinks this human intersect doth protest too much. But of course," she reached for his hand with her right one, "a quiet dinner for two obviously doesn't sound like a date, does it?"

Clearing his throat, he wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans, knowing the pointlessness of dissuading her.

"Guess you're not mad at me anymo- Oooww!" he cried, rubbing the back of his head, "Why did you smack me for?"

"You were still a jackass for leaving, but... I figured out why you did it."

The hammering in his heart quickened significantly as she fixed her electric blue orbs at him and added huskily, "Don't have to be jealous, Chuck. I threw away his number as soon as his back was turned. You know I'm yours for the taking."

It didn't matter how long they'd been partners or how much he'd grown to trust her but Chuck have never really gotten rid of his nervousness whenever those blue eyes bored into his like so.

"You're impossible."

"Nooo... _I'm_ irresistible," she beamed, "and the fact that you're not denying it says a lot, doesn't it?"

"I happen to know the futility of arguing against you. Do you always have to have the last say?"

"Do you always have to be such a whiner?"

"I do not whine. When did I ever?'

She raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"You're doing it now. And everytime you lost a bet against me. Or at a game," she made a show of ticking off the list of his failures with her finger. "Or who could reach for-

"Hey," he protested, "I do not lose at games. I'll have you know that I'd once saved the world by just playing Missile Command."

"Chuck, honey," she turned to face him, as if talking to a small boy, "how many times do I have to tell you: I don't speak nerd and FYI, you even lost to me at rock-paper-scissors. So much for being a gamer," she ended smugly.

"What! That's because you cheated," he pointed accusingly at her, "and you're beginning to sound like Casey."

"What are you, twelve?" She enquired in ridicule before flipping her hair, "That wasn't cheating. It was an optimal use of my assets. And _I_ definitely do not sound like that thick necked brute."

The light in his eyes fade slowly into the night as they fell on her exposed neck. Extending his hand toward it, Chuck pushed gingerly at the stray hair that was covering the small scar with his fingers.

For the first time that night, a flash of uneasiness clouded her strong features. She quickly pushed his hand away dismissively, pursing her lips.

He gazed at her in contemplative silence, feeling the guilt weighing heavy at the bottom of his heart: the events from two years back still vivid in his memory. It was the painful realisation that he was a hair's breath away from losing a partner and someone he had come to see as a friend. Her near brush with death had forced Chuck to reassess his life.

It was a turning point for him – both professionally and personally. It was the last time he'd ever let his emotion got the better of his ability to flash.

Chuck didn't know what he would have done if he were to lose a partner who had become a pillar of strength for him - especially in the first few months of their partnership. She definitely had to deal with a lot of his crap and bouts of depression. It was a miracle that she had decided to stick around despite all of that.

They had certainly come a long way, he thought.

"I'm sorry," Chuck murmured wistfully, "I'm sorry, Carina."

Chuck saw her shoulders tensed, her eyes still refusing to meet his. It was as if she was bracing herself – against what, he didn't know. But then she exhaled slowly, looking down at her hands clasping her knees.

"You should be," Carina muttered quietly before looking up at him with a small smile that belied the silent pleading in her eyes. "It saved you the trouble of looking for a new partner. Not to mention the paperwork."

Chuck just nodded grimly, deciding to let the matter rest. It was typical of her. A rare flicker of vulnerability was all Carina would ever allow to peek through her defences.

Yet, it was those isolated glimpses of emotional honesty that had made him suspect that there might be more to her devil-may-care attitude. Those slip-ups had compelled him to question if it was in fact merely a mask that she'd on all these while; which even the super agent had forgotten she'd put on in the first place.

Chuck had to wonder if it was simply easier to live with such reckless abandon. That it was more bearable to live in pretension in the often less than honourable and cutthroat world of spying.

As he glanced at his partner one more time, Chuck couldn't help thanking the fate that brought them together in a partnership.

And to think that initially, he was less than enthusiastic and a little more than apprehensive about having Carina in his life again.

Chuck wanted a fresh start, distancing himself as far away from any parts of his past as possible. So when he packed his bag for Rome and fully embraced his destiny as a spy, he made a resolution to never look back or work with anyone from his previous spy life. Most importantly, he'd vowed to adhere to the cardinal rule of spying. His heart had been broken more than he thought he could endure.

But fate it seemed had a different plan for him.

The powers that be thought that it was a good idea to pair him up with a familiar face. The added fact that Beckman gave a favourable review of their successful albeit brief working relationship while in Burbank was a bonus that factored into the director's decision. The directors thought that the two would make a formidable team.

Chuck had begged to differ.

But now, as erratic or strange her improvisation might be during some of their missions, Chuck felt certain that he wouldn't want any other as his partner.

Even with the sarcasm she'd thrown at him, or the sometimes graphic details she'd given him of her past missions that have rendered him speechless and staring in abject horror and her constant teasing and flirtations: he still wanted her by his side.

"You're staring." Her voice broke him out of his reverie. "Didn't your mom tell you not to stare? It's rude... and freaky."

"Wha- No I'm not..." he sputtered, before recognizing the devilish glint in her eyes. Chuck narrowed his eyes, "Gee, I don't know," a teasing smile touching his lips, "Mom had to leave before she got to that part."

"Really? But I bet your mom did tell you one thing before she left."

"And what would that be?"

Carina leaned in and whispered in his ears, "That you shouldn't lie... because you sucked at it." The sexy super-agent then pulled away, stretching her limbs. "Gawking's not a crime, Chuck. This sex-on-heels is a feast for the eyes."

"You're..." he blushed slightly, "... insufferable." It was all he could muster.

And that was how Carina had always been with him

But Chuck had noticed a slight shift in her demeanour for the last few months or so. He had caught her staring at him more often these days; sometimes in quiet contemplation and other times in plain confusion but every time Carina saw his questioning look, she would turn away quickly with a smile.

Chuck didn't quite know what to make of it and seeing that he had his own inner conflict to mull over; Chuck had decided to dismiss it as a result of his hyperactive imagination.

He darted a quick look at his partner again, wishing he could unravel the enigma that was Carina Miller. Chuck sighed. Baby steps, he thought as his gaze settled back on the stars sprinkled across Phuket's night sky.

Chuck didn't know if it was the setting of the exotic land, or the calming atmosphere that soothed his tired soul but that moment made him realised what he was afraid to admit for quite some time:

Charles Irving Bartowski was compromised. He'd vow to never form an attachment or developed any sort of affection for the people that he worked with but Carina Miller had made that promise quite impossible to commit to.

Chuck cared for her – that much he was willing to admit. But Chuck couldn't explain the streak of jealousy he'd felt when he thought he saw Carina flirting with another man.

Yet, he had to question whether it was even jealousy to begin with or was it merely a display of his protectiveness of a partner that he cared about. Would that then clarify his fury? Or did it in fact pointed to something more? Would he even dare to act upon it if it were true?

Was he prepared to risk his heart all over again when the ache had yet to properly heal?

Chuck let out a frustrated groan, shaking away the cobwebs of his wandering thoughts. He didn't need these distractions. Distractions could get an agent killed. But it was getting harder to ignore the gnawing confusion the more time he was around her.

"Chuck?"

He jolted out of his ruminations at the sound of her voice. "Yeah?"

Carina's eyes settled searchingly on his for a while but as if sensing his discomfort, she decided against pushing him for more information. Instead she winked mischievously at him, "Wanna skinny dip, Chuck?"

Chuck had to blink twice before burying his face in his hands with an exasperated laughter. Even before he managed a response, Carina was already running gleefully toward the oncoming waves, stopping only to beckon him with her best come-hither look, her eyes smouldering.

Supporting his chin against his knuckles, Chuck shook his head laughingly as he regarded the unpredictable force of nature.

"You do know we're in Asia, don't you?" He got to his feet, walking slowly to where she was already knee-deep in the inviting water - her dress still attached, thankfully. "As gorgeous as you are, it is still criminal for you to swim in your birthday suit."

Chuck could see her Cheshire cat-like grin. "So you do admit that I'm gorgeous."

People say that time heals all wounds. But nobody ever told him about the scar that would serve as a daily reminder of what would happen if he were to let someone into his heart again.

Then, there was her, appearing before him for the third time in his life: this time working as his partner.

Chuck looked at her, glowing ethereally under the pale moonlight and felt the anguish in his heart dissolving significantly. Maybe, he thought, the risk might be worth taking after all. As they say, the third time's the charm. Someday, he might just take the plunge.

Chuck reached for her hand and pulled her towards the shore. "Come on. We wouldn't want the cops arresting you now, would we?"

"Coward."

"Concern," Chuck corrected. "It'd also save me the trouble of looking for a new partner."

Carina shot him a knowing smile, "Can't survive without me, can you?"

"Well... you did save my life more times than you know," he mused holding her hand just a little tighter.

"Don't even think I'm doing it for free, Chuck Bartowski," she declared sultrily. "In fact... why don't _you_ pay me back tonight?'

His head swivelled quickly to look down at her with curious trepidation. "_O-kaayy_..." Chuck uttered cautiously, "... as long as it doesn't involve me doing something... unnatural."

"Sex's not unnatural," Carina stated, widening her eyes in mock innocence.

"Carina!"

"Jeez," she cried in laughter, punching his arm playfully with her free hand, "relax, Chuckie. You're acting like I'm gonna deflower you or something." Carina pondered for a second, "You're not a v-

"I am not!"

"Fine, fine. No need to blush. I just need a body – your body." Off his looks, Carina rolled her eyes, mildly peeved, "For shopping, Chuck. You know those night markets that we'd pass by yesterday? I want to buy some stuff and I need you," she poked him in the chest, "to carry them for me."

"Shopping?" Chuck groaned.

"Got a problem with that?"

Chuck gazed intently at her, the beginning of a smile materializing across his features.

"Can we eat something first? I'm kinda starved."

"Sure and I'll even promise that it will be a quiet dinner for two."

"Then no, agent Miller," Chuck chuckled good-naturedly, "I absolutely do not have a problem with that."

"Come on, then," she grinned, tugging at his hand.

Chuck had to marvel at the way their fingers linked. He didn't think that another hand would ever again feel right in his. Yet, hers strangely did.

Chuck didn't know what it meant or if he was even prepared to face the possibilities it presented. But one thing he knew, was that he cared about Carina; enough to risk his life for hers, just like she'd done for him.

So maybe, someday he will. Just not today.

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_For those taking the time out to read, thanks for reading. Can't believe you guys stuck around till the last line seeing that it's my first ever attempt at writing a fanfic of any kind – hence the lack of... 'polishness'. I think this will be just a one-shot since I don't think people are interested in the pairing anyways. Was just writing this for fun because I heart Carina :D _


	2. Chapter 2

_Hey! So this is the beta'd version of chapter 2. Fated Love was the kind soul who corrected all the horrible mistakes in here. Hope you guys haven't forgotten this story :) I've also made several changes to this chapter including the ending. Hopefully it will help clear up a few questions that you might have. Tell me what you think okay! Thanks._

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She could hear the distant sound of traffic even before the first ray of the morning sun filtered in through the window blinds.

Lately, she hadn't been sleeping well. Not when confusion plagued her consciousness, the silence forcing her thoughts to wander down the labyrinth within her mind opening up more questions as she sought answers.

Pushing away the covers in frustration, Carina willed herself to get out of her warm bed, knowing that struggling to get back to sleep was futile. Wrapping her silk robe around her body, she headed towards the kitchen.

_Chuck must still be sleeping_, Carina thought, looking over to the door of his room. Sitting at the kitchen island with the cereal box and carton of milk for company, she took a spoonful of the colourful cereal into her mouth.

A rueful smile spread over her lips as she stared at her Lucky Charms – a piece of her past that had accompanied her to this day. It was a comfort food of sorts, laced with nostalgia. Chuck would definitely tease her if he'd been awake.

Carina swallowed another mouthful, the crunching noise distracting her from the stillness of the room. How she longed for a mission to get her mind off the uncertainty that she felt.

It wasn't until she was halfway through her breakfast that she heard the click of a door opening. The sleepy, rumpled form of a curly haired nerd emerged from the room beyond wearing only his boxers.

Carina's eyes raked over his lanky frame. His body was definitely better defined now than it was when he had first become her partner. It didn't hurt that she'd always found him sort of cute either. Damn. She badly needed that distraction right now.

Setting her bowl aside, she leaned back slightly on the stool. "Hey, sexy."

Chuck rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand . His bleary eyes focused upon her, then her smug smirk, and flew, now comically wide open down to his state of undress. He dove straight back into his room, emerging a few seconds later in t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

"Aww," Carina pouted, "show's over?"

Chuck merely rolled his eyes good-naturally, mumbling something incoherently as he entered the bathroom.

Carina shook her head in amusement. Chuck was certainly a rare breed amongst agents.

"So I guess it's possible..." Carina commented casually when he reappeared a few minutes later.

"What is?" Chuck asked as he walked past her.

"That one can be cute _and_ sexy at the same time. You pulled that off quite impressively."

He chuckled and peered into her bowl. "So says the sexy superspy eating kid's cereal."

"Touché," Carina laughed.

"I thought we ran out of milk," Chuck asked over his shoulder as he rummaged in the fridge. "Hey! Snickers," he waved the chocolate bar at her with exuberance.

"You're eating _chocolate_ for breakfast?"

"I happen to have a high metabolic rate," he flashed his pearly whites at her before taking a huge bite out of the chocolate bar.

"Wan shum?" Chuck offered his mouth full of chocolate.

"Yeah right," Carina swatted his hand away, suppressing her smile, "all that sugar will go straight to my butt."

"As opposed to what," he pointed accusingly at her cereal bowl, "_that_?"

"What?" she shrugged defensively, "at least I'm eating it with milk? You need some pretty strong bones in our line of work."

"_This_contains milk too and speaking of that, when did you buy the milk anyway?"

"I didn't." Carina helped herself to more cereal, "Jimmy gave me a bottle."

"Jimmy?" Chuck stopped chewing. "Who's Jimmy?"

"The guy in apartment 3B."

"You mean that Ken doll from Public Affairs… Agent James Pederson? You're giving him nicknames now?"

Carina shrugged dismissively.

"Why did he give you a bottle of milk anyway?"

"I asked, and so he gave it to me."

Chuck looked at her in confusion. "You knocked on his door and asked for a bottle of milk?"

"What?" Carina said incredulously. "Why would I do that?" When he still stared blankly at her, she elaborated.

"I bumped into the guy at the lobby and he asked me if I was free for dinner. Since I was too lazy to go buy the milk myself, I told him to go get it for me. Which he was most happy to do… and when he came back, I told him no, I _didn't_ want to go to dinner. Good enough for you?"

"Wait, wait, wait," he held out his palms in front of him, "he asked you out?" Carina merely nodded, getting bored of the conversation.

"Well _that's_ professional," he mumbled under his breath, pouting slightly. "Tell me again, why do we have to live in this CIA-sanctioned apartment building? I'd like to have some normalcy in my life instead of having to bump into these Adonis agents every time I step out of the front door. Seriously, does the spy factory roll out all you beautiful people in bulk?"

"We live here because of what's in _your_ head, Chuck. The higher ups feel that you'll be safer if you lived among their own than with civilians. And what's so wrong about being surrounded by beautiful people? Hot men," she looked pointedly at Chuck, "cute nerd. Makes life so much better for me."

"Not when they're constantly hitting on you," he blurted out. He tried to back-pedal, "Umm... I mean... I'm just looking out for you. You told me not to trust easily. You can never be too sure of what guys want from you... especially these agents." Chuck stuffed the rest of the chocolate into his mouth.

"Does that upset you?" Carina drawled, her lips curling into a smirk. "Someone's jealous."

He cleared his throat. "So what if I am?" Chuck hurriedly added, "I mean, it's natural to want to protect your partner from possible harm. I mean you're a great partner and all and I definitely don't want anything to happen to you… or for uh… Jimmy to take my partner away. We have an incredible success rate together, you know. I plan on keeping it that way."

She bit her lower lip.

"Well there's no point in him doing that. He's in _Public Affairs_. And I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself, Chuck."

"Right," he agreed sheepishly, "Forgot about that."

They both fell into lengthy silence before Chuck started to speak again.

"So," Chuck ventured hesitantly, "are you planning on meeting him again?"

Carina remained silent for a moment, composing herself, "I'm not."

"You're not?" He perked up before clearing his throat again and said nonchalantly. "Well, um, good for you. I heard he had a reputation."

"Don't we all?" Carina mused.

"I don't."

She smiled at that. "You're a unique case."

"Is that bad?"

"No, "she replied, her voice quiet, "not at all."

He looked up at her, shy smile lighting up his features. "You're not so bad yourself, reputation and all."

Of all the things that had been said to her by other men; this was the most genuine she'd ever received. His earnest gaze was a little too much, and she averted her eyes away with a small smile.

Carina saw him reach for her bowl of cereal in her peripheral view. He regarded it for a moment before lifting a spoonful of it into his mouth.

"Lucky Charms, huh?" He grew quiet for awhile, chewing deliberately. "So what's bothering you?" Chuck asked casually, lifting his eyes from the bowl in his hand to fix her with a concerned gaze that belied his tone.

Her eyes widened slightly in surprise.

"Of course I'd notice," he said simply.

Carina folded her arms, eyeing him with curiosity.

"You always eat this," Chuck lifted the bowl slightly, "whenever you're troubled about something." And when she still remained mum, he shrugged, "I tend to notice things."

"Oh."

Chuck looked up at her and continued confidently, "You don't usually get up before seven when we don't have to report to headquarters or when we're not preparing for any mission. You're not a morning person so the reason why you're up now is probably because you couldn't sleep or you were thinking about something. And I noticed ages ago that Lucky Charms are your weapon of choice... "

The nerd talked way too much but she couldn't help feeling the sense of ease and affection that descended upon her despite his constant chattering. Chuck's unending rambling that had both previously annoyed and amused Carina had grown to become a source of familiar comfort.

Yet, despite the reassuring feeling his voice brought on, his perceptiveness terrified her more than she was willing to admit. It rattled her, that someone she had so easily dismissed as nothing more than a geeky, rather cute, bumbling love-struck idiot from an electronic store in boring Burbank, could know her so well. Carina didn't want anyone to read her like that; it was unnerving – especially when that person happened to be the source of her confusion.

"... and this kitchen island seems to be your favourite spot for brooding-"

"Chuck... "

"Hmm?" He stopped mid-sentence.

"Sometimes I think... that you're too good to be true. You're an alien, a higher evolutionary species of human sent to just generally be nice to everyone in the world."

He cocked his head slightly. Chuck patted his chest experimentally, "I'm pretty sure I'm human, Carina." He nodded sagely, squeezing his biceps before breaking out into a goofy grin, "these feel real to me."

It caused Carina to break out into laughter and she felt the tension roll off her shoulders. "Doofus," she teased, leaning forward to flick his forehead.

"Nerd, "he corrected, rubbing at his forehead with his fingers, "I prefer to be called nerd. That stung by the way."

"You're such a baby. Want me to kiss it better for you?"

Chuck seemed to ponder her question and the very fact that he was even considering her offer startled her. Ever since their last successful mission in Thailand two months ago, Carina had observed a difference in the way he carried himself. He was now more self-assured around her; less on-guard. He was less wary; more relaxed with his words and his actions. Her teasing and flirtations didn't seem to fluster him as much, although the occasional accidental touch did make him blush. His newfound attitude to her flirting had both unsettled and intrigued Carina.

He was still the same unassuming Chuck, but now there was also this understated confidence he exuded that had her whole being crackling with a nervous excitement at his proximity. These warring emotions perturbed the normally unflappable agent.

"That's not such a bad idea." Chuck waggled his eyebrows at her, "but then again, there's always a second option. You could also make me feel better by watching a Battlestar Galactica marathon with me."

"No way. Nope. That's a ridiculous idea. _Anything_ but that."

"What? Why?" He whined, slipping onto the stool next to her. "It's like the coolest thing on TV. Four seasons of pure sci-fi entertainment, all in one uninterrupted day."

"Chuck, that show's ridiculous. I don't get why you like it so much." Plus it also made her feel less than intelligent. It killed her brain cells as she tried to figure the show out. If there was anything that she hated most, it was exactly that. The not knowing, and the not being able to figure out what she should _be_ knowing. But of course, Chuck didn't have to know that. Her pride wouldn't let it.

But she underestimated him once again. Chuck squinted, studying her with an impish grin. "You don't understand it, do you? You don't want to admit it."

Of course he knew. Why would that even surprise her anymore?

"No," Carina changed her tone and shot him a sultry gaze, "_that_ was just an excuse." Trying to distract him further, she let her left hand wrap around the back of his neck while she placed her right on his chest. "Because I'd rather the first option."

"The first... option?" She detected the panic in his eyes at her sudden change of mood, and she felt the thrill of satisfaction at her small victory. There was no way in hell Carina would ever admit to being less than superior.

"Mmhmm... first option's more tantalizing to me. Don't you think, Chuck?"

He bobbed his head in agreement, but the nervousness in his eyes gradually dissipated into a steely determination. They darkened in desire as if challenging her, eliciting a surge of warmth that spread through every part of her body.

Was this the feeling that Sarah was talking about when she had also looked into his eyes? Was this how the blond had felt- The emotion Carina had so easily disregarded and ridiculed back then?

She could handle physical attraction, but these deeper sensations were entirely foreign. More than the horror of torture, more than the finality of death; it was the infinite trust in his eyes that was to be Carina's undoing. And as she stared down the path of the unknown, for the first time in her life, Carina Miller was truly afraid. She thought she could control him like she did other men. But Chuck wasn't like the others.

Backed into a corner by her backfiring plan, her mind desperately clawed for control of the situation. Chuck shifted minutely toward her, the desire in his eyes intensifying as if anticipating the kiss she'd only intended to tease him about. In reciprocation Carina found her body moving closer to him all on its own.

In the space of those crawling seconds, as her lips was about to touch his, a single blink from Chuck was all it took to snap her back into reality. Carina pulled back instantly and planted a quick kiss on his forehead.

"There," she exclaimed too-brightly, patting his cheek with a forced smile, "all better now."

Confusion clouded his eyes and gaining his bearings, Chuck just shot her a tight smile.

"So I guess there won't be Battlestar today." He looked away from Carina for a moment, trying to even his breathing. Chuck risked a quick glance at his partner before hopping off the island. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Chuck," she called out to his retreating back, "maybe next time." Carina hated the hopefulness and apology in her voice.

This was so unlike her. And she didn't even know what she had meant with the question. Was it really in reference to the show?

Chuck had thrown her world into utter chaos and there was no use pretending that she didn't feel something for her curly haired partner. But just because she would now admit to the existence of those feelings, it didn't mean that Carina knew what those feelings were exactly or if they were welcomed.

"Yeah," Chuck responded, once again falling into an easy smile that reached his eyes. "That would be nice. I'd really like that." He paused briefly, "You know, if you'd just give it a chance, you might actually grow to like it…"

"One step at a time, Chuck." Carina said, relaxing a little, "I need to understand what's going on first."

"I promise you won't regret it."

She cracked a coy smile, "I guess we'll have to see about that."


	3. Chapter 3

_Hey! Thanks for the lovely reviews and suggestions. You guys are really the best :)_

_My apologies for the late update. I hope all of you are still interested in the story. I've read all of the reviews and although one reviewer did point out to me that he/she felt that the story should probably end at chapter 2, I continued this because from the reviews that I've gotten, the majority of you wanted to know more about the story. While, I do appreciate that reviewer's suggestion, I feel that it's only fair that I listen to the voice of the majority. So here's chapter 3 for all you lovely readers and reviewers. It's a bit shorter in length than usual but I'll try not to keep all of you waiting too long for chapter 4._

_If you didn't see the note: I've re-uploaded chapter 2 because there were just too many mistakes. But here's the good news: Fated Love is back as my beta. So yay for me! She was gracious enough to correct the horrible mess (I'm talking about the grammar and all :) that was chapter 2 and she did the same for this chapter. Have I told you guys how awesome she is? Thanks, FL. But if you spot any mistakes, just know that they're all mine._

_This chapter is also dedicated to my wonderful friend, Mac. Hopefully this little chapter would take your mind off work - even for a short while :) _

_Disclaimers: Still don't own Chuck. I don't think TPTB will ever give him to me._

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The sound of thunder reverberated across the evening sky like a promise, the reddish glow of the setting sun on the horizon gradually sinking into darkness. Cold autumn rain began pouring soon after, drenching the concrete ground and whomever caught in its path.

As the rain beat increasingly harder upon the sidewalk, Chuck laughed and pulled Carina with him as they broke into a run toward their apartment building. There was just something about being caught in the rain that lifted his spirits. It reminded him of the days of innocence; of Ellie and of his childhood.

He and Ellie used to play in the rain. That was when both his parents were still around. It was a time when Chuck hadn't understood the meaning of pain, of heartache and of the crushing despair of being abandoned by the ones he loved. Those were the moments of untainted joy that he had desperately tried to store away in his heart and his memories.

He hated the fact that those days have become fading memories and it was getting harder to picture them clearly in his mind. But even if the images were becoming a blur, he could remember the emotion of pure happiness that accompanied them. Those times were so far away now- He didn't think he could ever experience them again.

Thinking about it made him miss his sister. His partner in mischief. Aside from the few phone calls that he had with her, Chuck hadn't gone back to Burbank ever since he left for his first assignment in Rome. His sister had went into full Ellie-freak-out mode when Chuck had first told her about his job and his plans to leave Burbank, but he'd known that she'd eventually –albeit- reluctantly let him go because she knew it was what he needed; what they both needed. Ellie was finally ready to let her baby brother go.

She knew that Chuck needed time to forget Sarah on his own terms, in his own time and definitely far away from the people and things that could serve as a reminder of her. Ellie didn't need to verbalise it. He could read his sister well and Chuck was glad that she understood. The only thing that Ellie had made Chuck promise was that no matter how long it would take him to sort out his issues, Chuck had to come back to her, alive and most importantly; happy.

When he bade his sister farewell almost three years ago, his problems seemed so insurmountable that Chuck wasn't sure if he would ever go back to Burbank. He had been keen on leaving it all behind. But then he found himself in DC awaiting his orders, the ex-DEA agent being the last person Chuck thought he would see there – or be the person who'd bring laughter back into his life. Or physical pain, Chuck thought mildly as he watched Carina's eyes narrow at him.

"I'm gonna kill you Chuck Bartowski," Carina hissed at him as soon as they reached the lobby of their apartment building.

Chuck flashed his broadest smile and pulled her into a bear hug. He felt her body stiffen as she pushed him away.

"I can't believe I let you talked me into this," Carina grumbled as she studied her reflection in the mirror situated next to the elevator door. "Look at me," she smoothed her hair with her palms, "I'm a mess."

"Come on," he laughed, "it's nice to take the subway once in a while. And wet or dry, you still look good." Grinning from ear to ear, Chuck still vibrated from the excitement, "But it was fun, wasn't it? I mean, when was the last time _you_ played in the rain?"

"There's nothing fun about being caught in frigid rain, Chuck." Carina glared at him with a hint of humour, "Try running in these heels, see if it's fun for you."

"Nothing is going to dampen my spirits right now. Come on Carina, just go with it." He turned his back towards her and bent down slightly. "Hop up," he said, patting his back. Chuck looked over his shoulder, grin still in place, "I'll give you a piggyback ride."

Carina rolled her eyes in mock frustration. Looking around and seeing no one near, she moved nearer and pinched him.

"Yeow," he cried, jumping away from her, his eyes wide. "You pinched me! Butt-pincher!" Chuck pointed accusingly at her in disbelief, using his other hand to rub at the sore spot.

"That's the least you deserve. I swear to God, Chuck, if somehow, this little stunt you pulled ends up making me sick, I will make you my slave," She threatened.

"All I did was make us take the subway. But fine, it's a deal." He beamed, "I'll be your willing slave – and I stress on the 'willing' part. But I doubt that butt-pinching was in the contract."

"Honey, there's nothing much to pinch."

"Hey!" He pouted, saying accusingly, " "You pinched, you pay, Miller."

Carina finally let slip a small chuckle, slapping him across the chest jokingly. "You can be so unbearably corny, sometimes."

"Look!" he cried, Chuck lighting up, "At last... the lady finally smiles." He waggled his eyebrows at her, "No one is immune to the Bartowski charm. So, the offer still stands... _Master_."

She ran her fingers through her soaked hair, shaking her head. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Make me your slave?" His smile softened as he moved one step closer in front of her. "But of course, if-"

"Carina," a voice interrupted him mid-sentence.

Chuck turned around in the direction of the offending voice, his smile immediately crashing to the ground.

"Jimmy," she greeted. Chuck scrutinised him. Tall, broad shoulders, honey blonde hair and blue eyes. God, he looked like a Ken doll.

Chuck stole a glance at Carina, noting her smile. _That smile._ Chuck called it Carina's agent smile. He turned his attention back to the intruder, his shoulders relaxing.

"Carmichael," the blonde nodded formally at Chuck before smiling warmly at his partner.

"Pedersen."

"You got caught in the rain?" Agent Pederson asked Carina, worry etched on his face.

_Isn't that obvious?_

"Well," she threw a knowing glance at Chuck, "our car broke down today."

"I suppose you didn't have an umbrella with you as well. Come on," he placed his hand on her shoulder, "you better get going or you'll catch a cold," he said before hitting the elevator button.

The ride up in the elevator was spent in silence – well Chuck was silent while the male agent was busy trying to chat his partner up. When the soft ding sounded, indicating that they'd reached his floor, Pedersen paused briefly by the door.

"What are you doing later, Carina?" He said, looking at her hopefully.

Carina directed her gaze to Chuck. "Do we have anything later, Chuck?" Other than the hint of amusement Chuck detected in her eyes, her face betrayed no other emotion but politeness. He smiled sweetly at her.

"We have to meet one of our informants," Chuck reminded her directly before shrugging his shoulders, glancing at the other man. "Need-to-know basis."

"Sorry," Carina smiled at Pedersen, not looking the least bit apologetic. "Duty calls."

The blonde's face fell slightly. "Right," he said, "Not a problem. Another time perhaps." He nodded briefly at Chuck and looked again at Carina, "I'll see you around?"

"Sure," she said as Chuck hurriedly jabbed the button to close the door.

His eyes burned a hole through the carpeted floor as he waited for the inevitable…

"_So_," Carina spoke as soon as the door closed, "who is that informant again?"

Chuck merely groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. She was never going to let him live this down.

"I just saved you from probably the most boring date ever. The guy's predictable, persistent... and oh, he looked like one of those plastic dolls that my sister used to play with. Trust me,", "you do _not_ want to go out with a pretty boy like that. Besides, you did say that if I finished that report today, we would have a movie night."

"Fine," she huffed, "but just one movie." She seemed to debate internally for a moment and added, "And who cares if he's boring? As long as he's eye-candy, it's fine by me."

"He's _so_ persistent."

"You complain too much. So who should I be going out with then?" Carina looked at him, raising an eyebrow teasingly, "You?"

"Well," Chuck floundered for words, "At least I won't be stealing the attention away from you and oh look," he cried in relief. "Our floor!" He made a hasty exit.

" Why haven't you asked me out then?" Carina asked, coming up behind him. She tilted her head, regarding him with questioning eyes.

Chuck panicked momentarily at the question, flustered from her incessant teasing. The keys from his hand fell with a soft thud onto the floor. He watched her eyes travel to the keys on the ground and make their way up to his with a look of satisfaction of a job well done.

"The movie had better be good," Carina warned, smiling wickedly. "Or I'll make you pay for making me dateless, and stuck with you watching some nerdy movie when we have the first night off in ages."

Chuck nodded in consent, opening the door for her. Just before she stepped over the threshold, she looked over her shoulder, "We're ordering Chinese today."

"Don't we always?" Chuck mumbled to himself as he watched her go.

This was bad. Try as he might, those feelings just kept coming back stronger every time he tried to ignore them. He was way past that denial stage. He was jealous of all the attention Carina attracted.

Chuck stepped into their shared apartment. He looked over at the closed bathroom door and glanced down at his wrist watch. He sighed. Chuck threw the keys in the bowl by the entrance and closed the door behind him**. **

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_Still with me? :) I hope it explains a bit about Chuck and Ellie's situation. And also shed more light on Chuck's relationship with Carina. I think a reviewer suggested that this chapter should be from Chuck's POV. So this chapter and the next would be from Chuck's POV and probably chapter 5 would be Carina's. Please tell me what you think and as always thank you for reading._


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay... I don't know if anyone's still interested in this story but I just thought I post this since I did promise a few people that I would give them another chapter :) If you have been waiting for it then all I can say is I'm sincerely sorry for the long delay. I've been super busy and will be until after the new year. And honestly, 'Beautiful Mess' hasn't been the easiest piece to write. Shocking right? I've actually written two chapters which I've decided to scrap because suffice it to say, they were bad ;D But luckily I have the always reliable and awesome Fated Love as my beta reader. Seriously, the girl can do no wrong IMO. She has literally transformed this mediocre chapter into something worth reading. Really, all the interesting lines here are hers. I'll take no credit for it whatsoever. And the not so interesting ones; well they're mine. What can I say? I'm still learning. _

_So hope you guys enjoy this. Who knows, I might pluck those two chapters from my hall of shame and (yikes!) actually publish them one day._

Disclaimer: I'm getting tired of saying the same thing over and over again but I don't own Chuck. So please... don't sue.

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Chuck squirmed in his seat as he felt the Director's gaze upon him. He never liked being called to the Director's office. Director Andrews had the tendency to make him feel uncomfortable just with his presence alone. _The room itself seemed to have a life of its own_, he thought. Even the glare from the mid-day sun streaming in from the floor-to-ceiling glass window didn't help make the Director's room feel less austere.

"I'm sorry, Sir... Could you repeat that?"

"I believe you heard me the first time around, Agent Carmichael." Director Andrews leaned back in his chair.

Chuck stared in consternation at the figure in front of him. His heart was pounding in his ears, the blood rushing to his head punching him with a bout of nausea, sending his thoughts careening wildly at the order he just received.

Director Andrews sat behind his desk; studying the curly haired agent with his steely grey eyes. He seemed to be in no great hurry to speak. He just waited in stony silence, cutting an imposing figure behind the massive mahogany desk.

Chuck took a deep breath and cast a level gaze at the director. "I'm working well with my partner here. Our success rate speaks for itself. I don't understand why we are not allowed to complete this new mission ourselves... Sir."

The director nodded grimly, leaning forward and placed his palms flat on the desk. "I am aware of your impressive record with Agent Miller but I also know that she was never once involved in missions that had to do with the Ring. I need the best people for this operation and since this is a joint NSA/CIA mission, we need to assemble a team who are already familiar with that organisation. I believe you know how they work seeing that you have had encounters with them, haven't you?"

"I have," he responded feebly.

"So I believe there shouldn't be a problem then?"

"No, Sir. It shouldn't." He contemplated for a moment before he added, "And Agent Miller? What about her?"

Chuck watched the director cracked a half-smile as if he was expecting the question before he began to speak, "That's up to her."

Chuck frowned a little before he collected himself. "I want her on my team as well. I need someone I can trust."

"Like I said, it's up to her. But you are expected to accept this mission regardless. That's an order, Agent Carmichael. You leave in three days time. That will be all."

Although shrinking with defeat inside, Chuck refused to show his displeasure. "Yes, Sir."

Chuck stood sharply and strode towards the door, closing it silently behind him without looking back. Only then did he let his shoulders slump forward, scowling as he made his way out of the Director's waiting room.

There was only one person that he wanted to see now – his partner.

Quickening his retreat as far away from the Director as possible, Chuck headed towards the lower levels to the cafeteria where the general hubbub was at the maximum. In his haste, Chuck hardly paid any attention to his surroundings, lost in thought. He realised a moment too late the brunette appearing around the corner as he reached the junction; resulting in an epic collision that sent loose paper flying.

Chuck immediately bent down, recovering the documents and files littered around him while apologising profusely.

She laughed. "It's my fault, really. I guess I wasn't watching where I was going." She accepted a haphazard stack of paper from him and stood up. "Where are you rushing off to in such a hurry, Agent Carmichael?"

"Rachel, hi!" he smiled. "Call me, Chuck. I've told you a million times." He shuffled the remaining papers into a more orderly fashion before adding them to her load. "You'd think that hanging around all these super cool spies for three years would hone my James Bond espionage skills. I guess not,"

Rachel giggled, her green eyes twinkling behind the rectangular frame of her glasses. "You're not like most of the other agents here. That's a good thing, in our opinion."

"Our?"

"The analysts. When you were around more often, you'd sit with us during lunch while Agent Miller tagged along. I don't think she looked all that comfortable for the most part." Rachel grinned.

"It's nothing personal. We just completely lost her when one of you started talking about Captain Kirk and the Starship Enterprise."

"She said that?"

"No," he paused with a knowing wink. "I could tell from the vacant expression on her face. But speaking of Agent Miller, have you seen her anywhere?"

She nodded, and Chuck watched her bite her lip while she tried to remember. Rachel would have been exactly the type of girl he'd be attracted to; an intelligent petite brunette who didn't seem aware of her own attractiveness.

"Chuck?"

"Huh? Oh right... you were saying? Sorry." He looked at her sheepishly. "I have a lot on my mind right now."

"That's okay. I said I saw Agent Miller ten minutes ago entering the break room. I think she's still in there." Rachel shifted the files weight awkwardly in her hands, backing away slowly. "Chuck, it's great seeing you again. I'm sorry but I've got to get these to the Director's office. See you later- I'll make the rest of the gang to avoid talking about Star Trek the next time you guys sit with us."

He chuckled. "Or I could just give her a crash course on all Trek knowledge ." Chuck waved at her, "See you around!" The cafeteria was easy to find. It was the only room where there was a constant flow of people into the room, and not out.

Chuck spotted his partner almost immediately when he reached the break room. Carina's back faced him as she talked to a young intern. As if sensing his presence in the room, Carina turned around and her eyes met his.

The slight surprise on her face upon his sudden appearance lasted only a second before the expression eased into her familiar smirk. Chuck watched her excuse herself from her companion before she wound her way around tables to meet him; a coffee cup still in her grip. As she approached, Chuck schooled his expression but it was a liittle too late; his partner was already peering at him with a concern gaze.

"Hey," Chuck greeted her a little too brightly.

Her brow furrowed. Almost accusingly, she narrowed her eyes at him. "What's wrong? What did he say to you?"

Chuck snatched the coffee cup from her grasp. "Coffee, huh?" he remarked after taking a sip. "I remember someone telling me that coffee's only for boring and very serious people?"

"What- this?" Carina motioned to the cup. "That rookie agent brought it for me."

"Ahh, another one trying to impress you. Did he ask you out on a date yet?"

She raised an eyebrow, moving nearer to adjust his crooked tie. "Try to look a little professional, Agent Carmichael. Jealousy isn't pretty. You don't wear it well." Carina teased.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"You're such a doofus." She grabbed his hand, dragging him to an unoccupied table.

"But honestly, _this_ is one bad coffee. Why did you even drink this? The new coffee joint two blocks from here serves an excellent cup of joe. They even make a mean cup of hot chocolate."

"Well I didn't want to disappoint him. He has a cute smile." Carina grinned. "Besides I got bored waiting for your meeting to end so his company was very much welcomed."

He made a face. "They could't resist flocking to you, could they?"

"So tell me, Agent Carmichael," Carina drawled. "Why am I stuck here sharing my coffee with you? We spend most of our time together already," she looked at him with a mischievous grin. "For some reason, you still seek me out even when I'm on my break. You just can't stay away from me, can you?"

"Can _you_?" Chuck asked jokingly. "If I hadn't turned up here within ten minutes of my meeting, you would have tracked me down with your Chuck-radar anyway."

"You mean stay away from your movies, X-box, your science fiction references and God knows what else? I think I would just about die without _those_ in my life."

"So... does that mean you'd follow me anywhere? Even to … somewhere, say, like Burbank?"

"Where a yawn could yawn, huh?" Carina tilted her head and gazed at him knowingly; all traces of humour gone from her features. She crossed her arms across her chest. "So _that's_ what Andrews wanted…"

He let his eyes say it all. Carina deflated just the tiniest fraction and shrugged sympathetically at him. She knew whom he was thinking about who was still based out of LA.. She forced a smile, "Should I bring my stun gun, or my clubbing dress?"

"You were so right." It was all Chuck could say.

Carina shrugged. "Andrews is transparent. It was obvious. I was worried about being right, for once. Look, where's that new coffee place you've been talking about again?"

"Why?"

"Because we're going there now," Carina said matter-of-factly.

"But we can't leave now." Chuck looked at her horrified. "I have to leave in three days and we still have to hand in that report from our last missio-" Her hand clamped over his mouth, effectively silencing him. "Chuck," she smiled sweetly, "When have I ever played by the rules?"

Chuck stared at her for a moment. "You're… you're completely serious," He held her hand away from his lips but he didn't let go of it.

Carina grinned slyly. "Chuck, screw the report. We'll take care of it later. Haven't I always got your back?"

" Uh… well that time in the Congo… you-"

"-Whatever Chuck." Carina cut in with supreme confidence, "You're not dead yet, that must mean I'm doing something right." She pulled him to the exit. "Trust me"

Chuck contained his grimace and followed obediently.

"See, that wasn't that difficult, was it?" Carina looked at him smugly after they exited the building. "Congratulations on your first act of rebellion." She paused, letting go of his hand. "You might want to wipe your palm. It's a bit moist." She shot him a mischievous look, "That wasn't that bad. Seriously, how would you cope without me?"

Chuck shot her a helpless look and slid his hands against his shirt to get rid of the evidence of his nervousness.

Carina was aready a few steps in front of him. Sensing he wasn't behind her, she turned around and lifted an eyebrow. "Any day now, Bartowski."

_How _would_ he cope without her?_ Chuck shook his head and caught up with Carina easily. "So... this is going to be a short coffee break, right? He waited for her response as he fell in steps with her. "Right?" Chuck tried again.

Carina only glanced at him for a moment and smirked.

_Right._

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_Erm... just out of curiosity, I was wondering if you could answer these two questions for me. I'm not saying that it'll change my decision entirely since I've kind of mapped out the last two chapters already but I might tweaked them a little depending on your answers :)_

_1) Okay, anyone of you here still want Chuck to end up with Sarah after reading these four chapters?_

_2) And if your answer to no: 1 is 'No', then would you like Chuck and Carina to remain just as friends or probably something more?_

_And as always my dear readers, thank you so much for reading. Till next time :D_


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you so very much for the reviews. You guys have been super awesome. Yes, I appreciate the criticisms as well. Eventhough some of you didn't like it, I'm grateful that you guys still gave me feedbacks. I definitely value your honesty. And because I cherish all your opinions, I leave this chapter for you to read before leaving for my vacation tomorrow (anyone living in London? ;D )_

_A huge thanks to FL for her beta work. It would be one giant mess otherwise. _

_Disclaimer: Here we go again... Chuck will never be mine._

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They sat at the corner booth of the coffee house; Chuck lost in his thoughts. Carina did a quick survey of the establishment which was largely empty; except for a middle aged couple sitting near the exit. She scanned the interior; it was tastefully furnished, with soft ambient lighting and unobtrusive background music that offered the customers a place to relax.

It just didn't have that intended effect on her.

She gazed across the table at her companion. Chuck clearly was in a pensive mood as he fiddled absent-mindedly with the edge of his napkin; the chocolate croissant on his plate still untouched.

"You can go ahead and say it," he said gloomily.

"What?"

"I told you so," Chuck offered feebly. "Just say it."

Carina gazed impatiently at him. "What good would that do? But if you insist," she added with a hint of mischief. "I told you so."

Chuck snorted nodding in agreement. "Yeah. You did warn me that he had to be up to something. And there I was, thinking that it was just a normal routine evaluation."

"Chuck," she sighed. "No point beating yourself up over it. What's done is done."

He rested his cheek on his palm, feeling like his head suddenly sagging with the weight of his thoughts. Chuck looked glumly into his latte, "Still..."

"It's who you are. All open and trusting. I don't think that will ever change. At least you haven't lost yourself in this spy business," Carina commented serenely, sipping her hot chocolate.

Chuck looked up at her hopefully. "Do you really believe that? That it's a good thing?"

"Believe what?" She eyed him curiously.

"Don't you think that I'll change one day? That I could be a burn-out?"

Carina stared at him and shook her head in disbelief. "Yeah right. And I will one day don an apron and tend to my loving husband in our little house on Pleasantville." At his expression, she rolled her eyes. "Chuck, honey... not you. Never you. People change but you'll always be Chuck. I've never doubted that."

"But of course," she added as an afterthought. "Physically you're getting sexier." Carina looked at him appreciatively.

She watched as relief washed over his features and gratitude shone in his brown eyes. "They want me back in Burbank for a mission; A joint C.I.A./N.S.A. operation.." He paused, his eyes darted nervously around him and he lowered his voice further. "We're dealing with an organisation called the Ring."

Carina would have smirked at his attempt to be covert if she hadn't been so unsettled by what he said. "A joint operation, huh? So that involves..."

Chuck looked up at her, his eyes a mixture of pain and regret. He nodded knowing exactly what she implied.

"A reunion." Carina smiled thinly.

"It's just going to be another mission. There's nothing I should worry about, right?" Chuck shot her a weak smile but he didn't look convinced. "It'll be just like old times."

Carina remained mum, and fixed her eyes on a spot on the table without answering him. _Why did it bother her that he was heading to Burbank?_ She took another sip of her hot chocolate before she reached over for his chocolate croissant. She broke off a large piece.

"Stealing my food now?" Chuck managed a smile albeit a rueful one. "I'm not sure we're quite there yet in our relationship. That's a big step."

Easing into a smile of her own, she said defensively, "You weren't about to eat it. Admit it." She needed to divert his attention away from his gloom; Carina never liked mopey Chuck.

Chuck locked eyes with her. "Still, it's indicative of where we stand in our relationship isn't it?"

They looked at one another and fell into another lengthy silence.

"Did you know," Chuck started, "the Buymore is now a full fledged front for the C.I.A/N.S.A. facility. The Buymore went 'boom' a few months ago. No one was injured, luckily. Seeing that Burbank seemed to be a hot spot for terrorist activities in recent years, the higher ups thought it was a perfect opportunity for them to take over the place. Be at the centre of all the action."

"I understand why the C.I.A. and N.S.A. combined when you were in Burbank, but I don't see any reason why they would remain a joint op after you left." Carina frowned. "They're not exactly BFFs to begin with."

"BFFs? Yeah, you're right. But _apparently_ they pushed their differences aside and decided to share Intel. That shared information led them to their latest break; that the Ring is planning to resurface in Burbank. Apparently all their higher ups are convening there next month." Chuck sighed and looked at her calmly, "That's where we come in. I'm apparently the 'expert' in that field."

"Or the _bait..._"

"I hope not." He chuckled.

"Chuck that's not funny," she said reproachfully.

"I know."

His calmness surprised Carina. But she knew it was a coping mechanism. Whenever he was troubled, Chuck hid it really well.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked.

Carina shook her head and leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. "You've grown up."

"Yeah." He looked down at his coffee and smiled. "I handle my emotions better now, don't I?"

"So why are you still worried?"

Chuck didn't respond immediately as he stirred his drink. "What if being back in Burbank, seeing all the places, all the faces..."

"Scared that you'll relapse?"

"... that I'll revert back to the insecure, regular Chuck who wasn't strong enough to stand on his own two feet. Being here, starting from scratch, where everyone didn't have any idea who I was... I'm just Agent Carmichael to them, you know." He laughed as if in embarrassment. "It's a stupid thing to be worrying about isn't it? People are worrying about global warming, the latest terrorist threats, the high rate of unemployment and here I am, dwelling on the possibility that I'll lose that balance between Chuck Bartowski and Charles Carmichael."

Chuck picked up the ragged remains of the croissant and took a bite, chewing it thoughtfully.

Carina let her gaze wander to the scene outside the coffee house. She watched as a cyclist went by, a couple (obviously tourist) with their matching 'I love D.C.' caps and a digital camcorder in the man's hand as they ambled down the street, a few office workers rushing off (probably late back to work after their coffee break); all of them not having a clue what agents like Carina and Chuck did every single day, risking their lives so that they could go home to their loved ones at night.

"Chuck, I think Charles Carmichael has always been a part of you. And it will always be. It is after all a version of you, isn't it?" Carina reached across the table and put her hand over his. "Everyone has different versions of themselves, Chuck. Some are more distinct; and others a little subtle but nevertheless, they are differences just the same. But underneath it all, the core remains the same. It's just a matter of what situation they're in, or who they're with."

"That's very insightful for a coffee break conversation." He smiled. "So tell me... is "Carina Miller" one of your multiple personalities? Will I ever get to know the real you, the girl underneath the various spy masks? The girl before the C.I.A. and the D.E.A.?"

Carina cracked a coy smile, removed her hand from his and folded her arms across her chest. She shook her head. "Unfortunately, with me, what you see is what you get." She winked at him and with that, the subject was exhausted.

Chuck looked at her for a long moment and she waited, knowing there had been something he'd purposefully kept till last. "They want me to leave in three days time. I don't have a choice in the matter."

"And?"

He paused a moment before he answered, "Will you come with me?"

She turned to gaze out the window. "Chuck, there's something I haven't told you." Carina was silent for several seconds. "When I first signed up for the C.I.A., I actually requested to work for the 'Crime and Narcotics Centre' but they looked through my files and thought they had better use for me. I was assigned to be your partner. It wasn't what I wanted but you know I never shy away from a challenge, and it was just that, a challenge."

Chuck smiled cheekily at her. "I _was_ a handful, wasn't I? More like a mess, actually."

"That you were. Fortunately you weren't too bad to look at or I would have shot you and claimed that it was an accident; Intersect or not."

"You could have requested a transfer."

"I don't like to fail at anything, you know that. I get things done, at any cost." She threw a pointed look at him.

His eyebrows knotted as he spoke, "But we've never..." he swallowed. "Even when I was being a pain-in-the ass those first few months of our partnership, you've never-"

"I've never tried to sleep with you as a means of controlling you? Not for the lack of trying. Even with my skill," Carina smirked, "It's hard to get a man to notice you when he's too busy moping. Anyway, you came to your senses, thank God for that and things were going great until two weeks ago. The C.N.C. Director contacted me and offered me a chance to head up a major operation in Brazil. Apparently, this newly appointed Director chanced upon my files, liked what he saw and requested for me. He's willing to pull me off this mission and fly me over there. I didn't tell you because I wasn't sure I'd even accept it."

"But that would mean-" Chuck looked at her in dismay; he finally understood what Director Andrews meant by: _It's up to her. _

"Yeah. If I choose to accept his offer, I'll be expected to work under his department. Your mission in Burbank came at a convenient time, don't you think? Knowing your sentimental attachment to Burbank, they probably thought it'd be a matter of time before you ask to be permanently based in L.A. And you know how I feel about L.A., don't you? Eventhough Andrews wants our partnership to remain as it is, you have to remember that he did poach one of C.N.C's golden boy: Agent Dylan."

His frown deepened as he took it all in. "That's all just speculation. Maybe it _was_ a coincidence." But he knew even as those words came from his mouth that she was right. He sighed in defeat.

"I told you spies were not to be trusted," Carina told him.

Chuck took a moment, collecting himself. "When are they expecting your answer?"

"This Friday."

"That's after I leave for Burbank."

"Yup."

"You know," Chuck spoke, addressing a spot of grease on the table, "I think I'll just have to pack you in my suitcase in the middle of the night while you sleep. You'll wake up in Burbank the next day." He graced her with a lopsided grin, alleviating the tension.

Carina chuckled and threw her napkin at him.

"What makes you think I wouldn't put up a fight?" She asked sultrily.

"Because I know you like being my partner," Chuck countered, daring her to deny the fact.

"You're pretty confident, Agent Carmichael."

"What can I say? I learnt from the best." Chuck scooped up both her hands into his. "Listen, I'll respect whatever decision you make. It would be selfish of me to stop you so I want you to know that no matter what, you are the best partner I've ever had."

Carina looked at him intensely for a moment before she broke into a genuine smile. "You're still as corny as ever." She slid one hand from his grip and laid it on his jaw, kissing his cheek gently as she stood. "Come on, we still have paperwork to do," she reminded him, taking out her wallet from her purse, but Chuck placed an insistent hand on hers.

"I got this."

"You're never gonna let me pay, are you?"

Chuck took out a note from his wallet and slipped it underneath his coffee cup, "Not a chance. I want you to owe me. If you do decide to go to Brazil, you'll always remember that you owe me at least one cup of hot chocolate." He grinned even as Carina flicked her finger against his forehead playfully.

"Hey!" He said indignantly, "Watch the computer in the brain!"

"Always the goofball," Carina said as she made for the door.

"But still adorable right?" he asked with puppy dog eyes, catching up to her and pushing the door open for his partner.

"Shut up, Bartowski," she drawled as she walked past him.

Slinging an arm around her shoulder, Chuck asked innocently, "Isn't it hot over in Brazil this time of the year?"

"Yeah, I'll be prancing around in my bikini during the mission," Carina said, humouring him. "Don't worry, Chuck, I'll send you photos so you won't miss me too much," she said with an evil smirk.

"I'd expect nothing less from you." Chuck assured her as they made their way back to headquarters.

* * *

_Ooh... what's this? Chuck and Carina to go on their separate ways? ;) Well, I'll leave you with that thought and thanks for reading. Till next update (it'll probably be the last)._


	6. Chapter 6

_Finally. The long awaited update (or not). Well, like I said before, this is the last chapter of BM. I'm aware that there's still a lot more story to explore but I feel that this chapter marks the end of Chuck's personal growth at this particular juncture and of course the next step of his ever evolving relationship with Carina. Another reason is because I don't know if I can commit any longer to a multi-chapter fic due to my busy schedule. I'm just grateful that you guys have been so patient with me all this time. Thank you, so very much. It was really a great experience knowing all of you :D _

_And of course, special thanks to Fated Love for all her help. She was also the one who convinced me to just give it a go and post this story online. So it's really thanks to her that I even considered sharing BM with you guys. Thanks, FL._

_Hence, without further ado, here you go: The final chapter. Hope you like it._

_Disclaimer: I have begged. Unfortunately, Chuck's still not mine._

* * *

Time seemed to go by a lot slower for Chuck these last three days.

There was a sense of emptiness he'd felt since he arrived in Burbank; with each passing day adding to that void. He glanced up at the sign; more out of habit than out of a need to know where he was. Fifty more metres to his exit.

Driving down the freeway with the music blaring from the car stereo system, a wistful smile tugged at the ends of his lips when a familiar song began playing. He remembered her exact words and how she'd glanced sideways at him with her usual smirk when she heard the song. _Really, Chuck, _she'd said, _this is the kind of radio station you tune in to? I get more excitement listening to the hum of the refrigerator than this crap. Love will keep us alive? Please. _And she would give her head a little shake but still leave the music on as he drove them to their destination.

Chuck didn't know when he would be able to hear that again. Her constant teasing has never failed to amuse him; the glint of mischief in her blue eyes always a sign of an incoming quip. While he would sometimes give as good as he got, Carina would always come up victorious – not that he minded. He was perfectly contented with their situation.

With his thoughts full of her, he sighed and exited the freeway. It was strange not having a partner by his side. Not having someone to talk to during long drives like this was something that he had to get used to. Fortunately, the mission doesn't officially start until tomorrow. He was given a few days to settle in while he waited for the rest of the team to fly in.

Time was exactly what he needed. Time to get a feel of how it will be like to work without a partner who'd been a constant fixture in his life for three years.

Well, it was time for him to strike out on his own whether he liked it or not.

* * *

Chuck stepped into his new apartment and trudged towards the kitchen. Dumping the paper bag on the kitchen island, he lifted himself up on the countertop and sat on top of it. He took out the box of Lucky Charms cereal out of the paper bag and stared at it for a moment.

It wasn't his favourite. He thought it was too sweet for breakfast. But Chuck wondered why she did. Come to think of it, Carina sure had a sweet tooth, if only for three things: Lucky Charms cereal, hot chocolate and Hershey's kisses. Those simple pleasures of hers often made him pondered on the life she had before the spy life.

Chuck would sometimes imagine what childhood must have been like for Carina. He could see her coming from an affluent family, an only child, popular in school and definitely topping her class. However, he couldn't picture Carina hitting the books though. One way or another, she would miraculously get things done; just like she always did during their many missions. Yet, despite all the pictures he'd painted in his mind regarding her past life, her real name was the one thing that he was never curious about. To Chuck, she'd always be Carina. He thought that the name suited her just fine.

Looking back, it was odd that in all of the three years that he'd fought side by side with her, there was not a single thing he knew about her past life. Like any other experienced spy adept at masking her emotions, she however had been comfortable enough to share with him some of her thoughts in their quiet moments together but her feelings and the life she lead before the DEA and CIA, was something she'd never willingly share with him.

Admittedly, he was curious but he'd never seen the need to pry her for information. As long as she was there by his side; then that was enough.

_She _was enough.

But now, he wondered if he was starting to regret that she hadn't told him anything. Because as much as he acknowledged that Carina trusted him with her life; he wished that she'd trust him with her heart as well.

Returning his gaze to the box in his hands, Chuck figured that he could probably use a pick-me-up. With the rest of the items spread on the marble surface, his hand reached for the packet of chocolates. He tore it open and unwrapped a few pieces of the tear-shaped chocolates and popped them into his mouth.

Sighing yet again, he silently waited for the endorphins to kick in. Nope. It wasn't happening. _Maybe his X-box could do the trick. _

Hopping off the kitchen island, he slowly made his way to his room. Three knocks on the door stopped him in his tracks and he looked tiredly in that direction. It must be another one of those pesky agents. He had no wish to be disturbed but Chuck knew that it was inevitable. Another city. Another one of the three-lettered sanctioned apartment. And another agent doing their rounds to check up on his safety. It was the highlight of his day.

He dragged his feet grudgingly to the door and took a peek through the peep hole. Weird. Chuck didn't think they delivered. Swinging open the door, the sight that greeted him was enough to silence him.

"Anyone ordered sizzling shrimps?"

_We don't know what we've got until it's gone..._

"Wow. That's rude. I send this right to his doorstep and not even a word of thanks. Not to mention payment."

_...and we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives._

"_Carina_..."

She placed two fingers underneath his chin. "You're drooling Agent Carmichael. That's very unbecoming of you."

The blinding smile that greeted her was the response she'd expected. Chuck rushed forward, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifted her slightly off the ground in laughter. As she joined him in his mirth, her own chuckle was cut off when Chuck pressed his lips to hers. A moment passed before his arms tensed around her and he pulled back; mouth gaping and eyes unblinking.

Carina stared back at him; her astonishment lasting only an instant. His lasted longer.

With his hands still rigid on her waist, the only movement she could detect from him was the rise and fall of his chest.

"You must've really liked this sizzling shrimps don't you? But shall we skip appetisers and jump straight to the main course?" Carina smiled suggestively.

That seemed to snap him back to reality and his hand flew away from her. "Hah." Chuckling awkwardly, he stammered, "I was just, umm... that, that was-"

"Only a chaste kiss," Carina rescued him. "Relax, Chuck. I'm not gonna get pregnant by a harmless greeting like that."

Thrusting the box of sizzling shrimps to his chest, she winked at him. "House warming gift," she said and walked into the apartment. Taking a much needed breath, Chuck grabbed her suitcase and pulled it behind him, slamming the door close with his foot.

"Hmm, just _one_ bedroom, Chuck? You presume a lot don't you?" She remarked, turning on her heels suddenly.

The sudden movement surprised him; the box in his hand released immediately from his hold. His eyes darted surreptitiously at the room and back at her. "See, I can explain that. I uh, I don't know-"

"God, Chuck." Carina laughed again. "What's happened to you? Why are you so nervous around me? I left you alone for a few days and I come back to _this? _You should know me better than that by now."

As her word slowly sank in, Chuck realised how ridiculous he must've acted. Looking at her with a sheepish smile, he shrugged. "I'm hopeless aren't I?"

"Three days and my Chuck is gone. Can I have him back now?" She placed her hands on her hips. "Honestly, Chuck, how are you ever going to cope without me?"

Chuck nodded solemnly. "Trust me. Three days of torture. It was more than I can handle," he said before breaking into a chuckle. After a beat, he continued, "There's only one way we can cure this." His arms wide open, "Shall we do it properly this time?"

Rolling her eyes good-naturedly, she stepped into his embrace; her arms sliding up around his neck while his circled around her waist.

"I'm glad you're here," he murmured into her hair.

"You're not going to ask me why I'm here?"

"Later."

Arching her back a little, Carina looked at him, letting out an amused laughter. "_Later?_ You're not going to kiss me again are you?"

"Can I?" Chuck forced a laughter yet his eyes studied her intently.

Her lips parted slightly in surprise but she masked the slip-up quickly with a smirk. "Can't say I mind but..." She peered over his shoulders looking in the direction of the kitchen. "... Let's shelve that thought till later shall we?" Extracting herself from his hold, she sauntered towards the kitchen.

Another sigh escaped him when she left his side. Picking up the box from the floor, Chuck straightened up and put on a smile before he turned around to join her.

Carina mused silently as she gazed at the food items spread on the kitchen island. She glanced at him from the corner of her eyes. "You've got it bad for me don't you?"

"So it seems." Chuck threw Carina a small smile, his forearms resting on the cool surface of the countertop. "But then again, I'm not the one who took a detour and found myself in boring old Burbank."

"Well I figured you could probably use all the help you can get. Besides I'm curious about this Ring organisation that you'd mentioned. That's all." She looked at him pointedly, the ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Ahh." Chuck nodded sagely. "So this is you, doing me a favour." Leaning closer, his forearm brushed against her hand. "Your being here have got nothing to do with- I don't know... the fact that you missed me?"

With a perfectly straight face, she said, "I swear I don't know what you're talking about."

"Would it kill you to say how you really feel?"

"No," she said, eyes twinkling. "But I would have to kill you."

His heart sank. It shouldn't have hurt. This back and forth banter between them had been a part of their relationship for so long. So why was it different this time? Unwilling to let her see his disappointment, he quickly ducked his head, dragging the stool to his side. Though he looked up at her with a composed expression, his previous reaction did not go unnoticed by the trained agent's eyes.

Choosing not to confront the issue head-on, she said, "Why am I not surprise that they gave you an apartment instead of the usual hotels they put us up in? Seems to me like they're angling for you to be here for more than one mission."

"Maybe."

"Have you met the rest of the team?"

"No."

Propping her elbow on the counter, her chin resting against her fist, she quietly regarded his sudden reticence.

"Something you want to say to me?"

"Why would you say that?" His eyes flickered to her momentarily and he bit his bottom lip. He blew out a breath. _That look_. It was enough to make him vomit out the content of his thoughts. "Well," he hedged. "I was just thinking. I mean I know you trust me with your life and all that... but... with everything else, I don't- you know what?" Chuck tried to smile at her reassuringly. "It's really nothing. Really." He snatched a piece of chocolate and held it up in front of her with an impish grin. "Want a kiss?"

Growing weary suddenly, Carina just didn't want to think anymore. Denying her impulses had been tiring.

Walking wordlessly to his side, she grabbed him by his shirt collar and crushed her lips down on his. Chuck rocked back slightly on his stool, taken by surprise when Carina lunged at him. His hands instinctively latched onto her waist to stop himself from tumbling backwards; in the process pulling her closer. And the only thing his brain could register at that instant was the whiff of perfume drifting from her neckline; the scent of vanilla with a hint of spice.

But as his senses came rushing back to him, Chuck became fully aware of her full lips; sensuous and soft against his. Tightening his arms around her, he responded in kind but as he started to deepen the kiss, she immediately broke the contact. As she steadied her breathing, she let her forehead rest against his, her hands clasped behind his neck.

Her thumbs brushed lightly along his jaw line, eyes locked into his stormy gaze. There were questions in his eyes; questions she didn't have an answer to. At least, not for now. Sliding her hands down to his shoulders, she pulled back. This was a territory she'd never ventured before. But like every other experienced agent, she knew that when caught in a situation like this, there was only one thing to do: stall.

"Well," she started. "You did ask if I wanted one."

Chuck cleared his throat awkwardly and after a few false starts he swallowed, "I uh, what I meant was the chocolate."

"So you don't' want to kiss me?" She pouted; eyes full of mischief.

"No!"

"_No?_"

"I mean yes."

"Yes, you don't want to?" Carina fought back a chuckle.

"I mean, yes-" Chuck pressed his lips together, exhaled through his nose and looked up at her. "You enjoy messing with me don't you?" He stood up, his hands on either side of her, trapping her between the island and his body.

"It's one of my favourite things to do."

"Really?"

Grinning slyly at him, she nodded. "Why? Can't I do that?"

"Of course you can," he whispered, closing the gap between them. "But you have to be prepared for the consequence," he added, his lips inches away from hers. "Are you?"

"Define... consequence?"

Just as he was about to give his answer, Carina stopped him with her hand on his chest. "Chuck," she breathed. "I have a meeting with Beckman in an hour. So," she resisted the urge to giggle as he groaned. "I have to freshen up, have a change of clothes and then..." Carina let the rest of her words hang between them.

"We'll talk?"

"Just _talk,_ Chuck?"

Chuck felt his cheeks growing warmer and he averted his gaze away from hers.

Chuckling silently, she teased, "What I meant was maybe we could have dinner. Or watch those nerdy films that you've been bugging me about. What _were _you thinking?" Carina gave him a quick peck on his lips. "You presume a lot, Chuck." Lifting his hands away from her sides, the agent strode to the bathroom; feeling his eyes on her.

"Carina."

"Hmm?" She paused by the door and wheeled around to look at him.

He didn't speak but their eyes silently communicated words they couldn't say.

Breaking the silence, her lips blossomed into a soft smile. "Baby steps, Chuck. Oh and by the way, I'm gonna be hanging around Burbank for a little while. I'm not a fan of Brazil anymore." Carina watched as he looked at her in stunned silence. Several seconds went by before his face split into the largest grin. Suppressing laughter, she narrowed her eyes at him. "So, either you're sleeping on the couch or... we can share your room." Shooting him a sultry look, she turned and pushed the door close.

Long after she'd shut it, Chuck finally padded to the window. The soft afternoon light that streamed in felt warm against his skin as he stood admiring the view of Burbank from the fifteenth floor. He leaned his shoulder against it; a contented smile playing on his lips.

He'll worry about tomorrow when it comes. There are battles to be won; ghosts from his past to confront but for now, Carina wasn't going anywhere. And that was all he needed to know.

As he gazed once again at the city he had spent most of his life in, Chuck finally felt at ease.

He was home. At last.

* * *

_So thanks for sticking around till the end. All of you have been super awesome and I've honestly enjoyed hearing all of your thoughts. Don't know when I'll have the time to write again but here's hoping that it'll be sooner rather than later. Till we meet again :)_


	7. Chapter 7

_A totally unauthorized posting. I'm Minirix's cousin. Just call me Ace. Minirix has gone vacationing in Europe while I'm left slogging for my exams. Tsk, some cousin. So I'm going to have a little fun and post her story (took me a while to figure out how to). She is going to kick my ass once she gets back – which is about three weeks from now. But it will be my birthday when she returns so she might cut her favourite cousin some slack. I think so. I hope so. But blame her for writing me this story. I've pestered. I've begged for her to continue Beautiful Mess but she said she wants to leave it as it was. Said she was too busy (imo, she's lazy haha) and didn't want to post anymore Beautiful Mess. And then before she left, she finally said, "Wrote you something. Log on to my account." And I did. And I hated it. Read it and you will know what I mean. Hopefully she doesn't take this down when she finds out. By the way, I don't think if it's been edited and I definitely don't know how to, but read it anyway and you'll understand why I post this in the first place._

_(I think Sarah's prettier but Carina's hotter. I'm a guy. Sue me - Ace)_

* * *

When the car rolled to a stop at Burbank's parking lot, it was nearly half past noon. Carina took a moment before she turned off the ignition, and stepped out of the car. A few seconds later, Chuck followed suit. Despite the sun high up above their heads, he shivered involuntarily as soon as he breathed in the uncommonly icy Los Angeles air. _February in Burbank had never been this chilly_, Chuck thought, as he fixed his attention on a subdued looking Carina.

His partner had been distant and quiet throughout the entire ride. He wondered if the cold had dampened her mood . Circling to her side of the car, he stood with his back against the door, mimicking her posture.

"You're quiet today," he said.

"Is there a question in there somewhere?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

She let out an audible sigh but didn't offer anything more. Respecting her silence, Chuck's eyes wandered across the almost empty parking lot to the sterile looking building that was the 'new' Buymore. Gone were the familiar friendly green and yellow colours of Buymore. The building instead was painted in stark white, almost as if the agencies were consciously trying to ward people off their premises. Not that it mattered seeing how this Buymore only operated solely as a warehouse. _Largemart must be pleased_. But he did wonder how the 'powers that be' got the approval for the colours – or lack thereof. Then again, they can get away with almost anything.

"I need to tell you something," Carina said.

A pause.

"Okay," Chuck said, eyeing her from the corner of his eyes.

"About yesterday…"

He sighed, his eyes cast downwards_. So here it comes_. "You're gonna say it was a mistake, right?"

Confused, she turned to him, "What _are_ you talking about?"

"You're gonna say that the kiss was a mistake. It's not gonna happen again. We have to be professional." A rueful smile on his lips. "Happened to me before."

Her arms folded across her chest as she narrowed her eyes at him. "They want you to move to this CIA-sanctioned complex, much like where you're staying at. Only difference is, instead of you staying there all by your lonesome, they want you to room with the rest of the team," she paused, gauging his response. He seemed fine – which was odd. "So now, while you don't have all those pesky agents checking up on your well-being every single day, you have two _outstanding_ bodyguards to keep you company 24/7. The agencies must really love you, Chuck." She waited for him to flare up. Or be shock.

Nothing.

Carina was feeling a little mad at his calm countenance. And she didn't know where her annoyance was coming from. _Is he actually happy that he gets to stay with_-

"You don't look surprise," she said, refusing to finish her previous train of thought. Because Carina Miller apparently didn't deal with irrational emotion. Nor did she want to.

_And the cheeky bastard is smiling._

"What's so funny?"

"So it wasn't a mistake?" he asked.

"Of all the things I've said, it was what I didn't say that you actually picked up on?" she pushed herself from the car. "You're ridiculous," she said and walked off.

"Can't blame a man for feeling pleased," he chuckled, falling in steps with her. "It means that you like me."

"In your dreams," Carina shot back, though there was less heat in her voice this time.

"Nah. In my dreams, we're way past that."

"Why aren't you surprised?"

"The general have spoken to me about it."

"You knew about it?" her footsteps ceased. "And you didn't tell me?"

"I told her no, and I thought that was it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't think she'd talk to you about it." Then he lit up. "But you're here now. Having a capable and outstanding ex-DEA agent, and now CIA spy extraordinaire as my bodyguard should help my case."

"When will you ever learn?"

Chuck looked on as his partner walked on ahead without him. He has learned. In fact, Chuck knew they wouldn't let the matter rest just because he said no. But he didn't want to let Carina worry about him. Not anymore.

The elevator pinged softly when it reached Buymore's sublevel. Ten storeys underneath the building, the elevator door opened to a wide corridor. Walking right to the end, Chuck slot in his key card, had his retina scanned, and ran his voice through the voice recognition system. Two beeps later, the metal door slid opened and they entered a room buzzing with the murmurings of analysts and the clicking of fingernails on keyboards.

As Chuck and Carina walked past them, the male half of the population halted their activities, looking up from their computers and smiled dreamily at the red head. At least, that was what it looked like in Chuck's head. She smirked when Chuck rolled his eyes upon seeing her wink at a lanky, bespectacled blonde.

"What?" she asked innocently without missing a step. "He's cute. And he kinda looks like you." He really didn't.

Chuck threw an indignant stare. "You're giving the poor guy false hope." They turned left around the corner, halted in front of another door, repeated the previous routine, and entered a square elevator lobby. As the door closed, the sound behind them immediately ceased. "He's going to end up thinking that he has a chance when he goes to sleep tonight."

"Ahh…" she gave a crafty smile, pressing her thumb on the fingerprint reader. As they waited for the elevator to make its way up, she asked, "So you've been there before?"

Without missing a beat, Chuck replied casually, "Yeah. I've been there ever since you kissed me yesterday." His words sounded loud in the sudden quietness of the room and he could see the effect of his response on Carina. Her shoulders tensed as her hand stilled for a moment on the button. Then she turned around slowly, meeting his gaze. "Ch-"

"Carina?"

Chuck and Carina flicked their gaze towards the elevator. If the silence before was crackled with nervous anticipation, the presence of the tall and tanned man, standing in the elevator seemed to have doused whatever expectation Chuck held.

"I'll be damned," the dark haired man said. "The one and only Carina Miller," he glanced at her badge, "a CIA agent?" He advanced, crossing the threshold. Carina stood still, not moving an inch; her gaze unflinching. "You still look amazing as always," the man said, his deep voice measured and smooth. Yet, Chuck was sure he could detect tension simmering underneath his calm exterior. Or maybe it was his imagination running on overdrive. Or probably it was the way his partner reacted to the presence of this ruggedly handsome man that was making Chuck feel all bothered. And he didn't like the way the man was gazing at Carina.

"Well you look alive," Carina spoke evenly. "As always."

He let out a soft timbered laughter. "I'm lucky to be alive, I guess. I almost got killed by a flying toaster."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Carina shrugged.

"It's a little late for apologies but I'll take what I can get."

"No, Marc," she folded her arms, "I'm sorry I failed."

His hand flew to his heart. "Ouch," and as if aware of Chuck's presence for the first time, this man called Marc grinned good-naturedly at Chuck. "Wicked sense of humour she got there, doesn't she?" Extending his hand out towards Chuck, "I'm agent Marcus de Rossi. With the NSA. Carina and I used to work together-"

"Ancient history," Carina interjected.

The amusement filtered through agent's Rossi's eyes. "But you do admit we have a history."

Chuck took in their exchange with growing unease. He wasn't sure then, but he was damn sure of it now. "I'm Charles Carmichael," he took Marc's hand. "We've been partners for three years." Chuck had no idea why he needed to disclose those details but he did register the fleeting surprise in the other man's eyes. He was quick however, to lapse back into an easy smile. "You mean you're the Charles Carmichael? The one who cracked that Duangtawan's case in Thailand? That was brilliant."

"_We _cracked the case. Couldn't have done it without her," Chuck said. "She does all the hard work. I just followed her lead."

"Chuck's being modest," Carina said. "He is one of the most intelligent agents I've ever worked with."

"I don't doubt that for a second," Marc nodded, and smiled at Chuck. "But I do have to agree with you, agent Carmichael, it's best if we just follow her lead."

Chuck hesitated, watching the edges of Carina's mouth tighten. Whatever history Carina and agent Rossi might have had, it was definitely not as clearly defined as he'd suspected. Though curious, Chuck didn't think that now was a good time to probe the issue further. Deciding to let them have a private moment, he took a step back towards the elevator.

"She's one of the best in the business," Chuck said. "I don't mind following her lead since it gets us result. And," he continued, glancing at his watch, "while I would love to stay here and chat, I have to head down and get some things sorted out. A pleasure meeting you, agent Rossi." Looking at Carina, "I'll see you later."

"No need for that," Carina strode past Marc, and followed Chuck into the elevator. "I'd rather not be late for the meeting," she said airily whilst jabbing the close button.

"Strange that you're not asking me anything," Carina spoke a moment later once they began their descent.

"I would ask but I doubt you're going to tell me about it." Chuck stared vacantly in front of him. "Besides, I have a feeling that I wouldn't like what I'd hear."

Silence.

"He's nobody, Chuck."

"Okay."

"He's just someone I once worked with when I was at the DEA."

"I know."

And Chuck knew one other thing: agent Rossi was definitely _not_ a nobody.

The colonel looked up from his papers when he heard chattering coming from behind him. He turned, and he grunted in mock annoyance.

"Casey!" Chuck beamed as he quickened his pace towards the big man. He instinctively placed a palm on Chuck's chest.

"Bartowski," he growled, "I don't do man-hugs."

"Still as gruff as ever, aren't ya, Johnny?"

Casey snapped his head at the offending voice and seemed genuinely surprised to see Carina standing in the briefing area. He stood, and eyed Chuck with a suspicious glare. "Did she threaten to handcuff you to the bed if you didn't include her?"

"Watcha gonna do if I did?" Carina said.

"Hey come on," Chuck reasoned with Casey. "I want her here with me. She's my partner."

"Well we don't need her for this assignment when we have the original intersect team to do the job," Casey glowered at Carina.

"Intimidated by a strong woman, John? I know you're still sore about the cuffs but doesn't mean we can't be partners," she said. "Unless, you're secretly pining for those days…"

"Okay," Chuck wedged himself between the two as Casey's nosetrils flared. Gently pushing them apart, he said, "There'll be no tying up, no handcuffs, and definitely no animosity between us. Deal?" he looked at them warily. "And Casey," he warned, "I'd appreciate it if you can be civil to my partner or-"

"Or you'll what?"

"Or I'll tell Beckman"

"Very mature, Bartowski." Casey sat down with a huff at his desk. "Tattletale."

"You forgot to add respectful. A respectful tattletale. And you," he pointed at Carina. "You are to stay at least five feet away from John Casey."

"Or you'll tell Beckman too?" she chuckled incredulously.

"No. Or I'll get jealous."

"Hah," the colonel snorted.

Both heads swiveled toward the big man. "Still with your lady feelings. Can't keep it in your pants, huh, Bartowski?"

And that sparked off another round of back and forth ribbing between the three of them. Amidst all the commotion, the sound of heels clicking against the metal stairs as they descended one cautious step at a time managed to escape their attention. It wasn't until they had reached the bottom of the stairs did the owner of said heels made her presence known.

"I guess I'm late to the party."

The room instantly fell to a hush at the sound of her voice. Chuck froze. He remembered it all too well. All those years that he had to heal; he should be over this. He should be ready to face her. So why did he suddenly find himself struggling to breathe?

In those crawling seconds, he neither saw Casey. Nor Carina. He saw himself back at the train station. Alone. Hopeful. And then utterly crushed.

_She left with agent Shaw, _the general had said. _Deep undercover. She won't be returning._

She was history.

Chuck blinked. And the first person he saw when the fog from his mind lifted made his insides roiled with guilt. Carina.

_Dammit._

It took a considerable effort from him to drag his eyes away from Carina's resigned smile. He half turned and gazed for the first time into the eyes of the woman who'd left him three years ago. A woman he had once thought was the one for him.

_He was over her._

"Hi, Chuck," she smiled. A little tentatively. A little sadly. Her blonde hair, cut shorter fell in soft waves as it lightly touched her shoulders. Her slim built seemed to have lost a bit of their mass. Eyes once so arresting looked weary behind her lashes. Eyes that seemed to have seen a considerable share of tragedy. More than they used to.

Yet despite it all, Chuck could not deny it even if he wanted to. She was still as beautiful as when he first met her. But more than that, Chuck Bartowski was still affected by her.

_He really was over her._

Standing right there between the two female agents that helped shaped so much of who he was; caught between his past and his present, Chuck only wished that he will make the right decisions for his future.

"Hey, Sarah."

As he looked back at Carina, he thought, _he should be._

* * *

_See what I mean. She's cruel. She left me with a cliffhanger (she insisted it wasn't). And it's my birthday. Why I post this you ask. Because I want people to pester her to write more Beautiful Mess. I already tried. But maybe if people flood her inbox, (or her review box or whatever it is you guys called it) she might cave? Or maybe not. But till then, I probably have a few days respite because she rarely checks her mail. Wish me luck._

_And T, if you read this (from whichever part of Europe you're at), don't get mad. Remember, it's my birthday. I'll buy you lots of chocolates when you come back ;D ~ U._


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks for the response to the previous chapter even if it was never intended to be published in the first place :) Beautiful Mess was meant to end at chapter six, and depending on how readers viewed it, I wanted it to end on an ambiguous note (plus I really don't have the strength to continue a multi-chapter story anymore). If you're a Charah fan, then you might want to believe that Charina would never amount to anything more than just a fling, especially with the return of Sarah. Of course if you're rooting for Carina like someone (you know I'm talking to you– you little brat. Pfft, Ace? Yeah right), then you'll be breathing down my neck for me to keep writing, at the expense of my precious sleep. But considering that I hate to leave things unfinished (cause the brat had ruined it), I'm gonna try and take it one, 'one-shot' chapter at a time while I'm still figuring out exactly which direction the story should head towards. I won't be concentrating on their missions though, so for those who are anticipating that, sorry to disappoint. I'm just trying to get this chapter out because some friends said that I ended the last chapter on a cliffhanger. So hopefully this one would help explain a bit about where they're all at now. _

_Let's just hope I can cross that finish line :) _

_Disclaimer: Chuck has ended but it's still not mine._

* * *

Chuck had excused himself right after the conference with N.S.A.'s General Beckman and Director Matthews of the C.I.A. Glancing at Carina, she merely nodded back in understanding; lips etched with a thin smile. He might have muttered something at the other two before he left. Or maybe he didn't. Chuck couldn't tell. All he knew was, he wanted to get out of the conference room as fast as possible.

His mind was a mess throughout the entire briefing. He could scarcely think straight. Forcing himself to stay calm as he processed the words spoken by his superiors was a daunting task. And that was only one part of it. Keeping his eyes locked on the screen proved to be a considerable effort especially when he was flanked by the two C.I.A women. Naturally, as soon as the meeting was over, he had only one thing on his mind – to get out. And so he did.

It was cowardly of him. That much he'd acknowledged. Hours after he'd walked aimlessly, going wherever his feet had taken him, he'd stopped, rooted to a spot as he was hit with a dreadful realization. True enough, just as Carina had predicted, Chuck was going to have to stick around in Burbank for the long haul. Or at least until after they finish off the Ring once and for all. That _one _mission Chuck thought he was getting into, unfortunately needed more than just a few days to get done (a little fact that Director Andrews had conveniently omitted back in D.C.).

The mission had suffered a setback. All tracks leading to the Ring had gone cold. The belief that the Ring would surface in Burbank had all come to naught. With the informants having disappeared without a trace, and with no leads, it was back to square one. There were suspicions that there was a mole planted amongst the two agencies. Though it had not been proven, it didn't stop them from pointing their fingers at one another. As a result, securities had been tighter. Both agencies decided that they needed to maintain a tight lid on the whole operation.

With trust at an all-time low, they only wanted people they could rely on. Agents they could trust. But most importantly, they decided to have representatives from both sides to work as closely as possible with the human intersect. Which led to them coming to a brilliant conclusion; have their people live in the same house as one big happy family. Which also meant; Chuck was going to have Casey and Sarah as roommates.

Standing right there, under the dimmed illumination of a flickering street lamp, Chuck had slumped against the post, watching in an awful silence, the train wreck that was his life.

Just when he thought he had it all sorted out.

Despite their reasons, he knew it was also political. Capturing the Ring will be regarded as a coup. Both agencies had wanted the bragging rights. And since Chuck was the human intersect – the man who's at the centre of their impending missions – it was inevitable for them to come up with the living arrangement. Carina on the other hand was given a choice. Choose to stay on the current operation, and she obviously would have to move in with the rest of the team. Reject it, and she could then continue living at the apartment given to Chuck. But in choosing the latter, Carina would not be allowed contact with the rest of them until after the mission was over.

_Carina, _he sighed, his eyes lifting to the heavens. He was feeling like a complete idiot. He shouldn't have left the way he did. Not after what she agreed to do.

Acting like she always did during any briefings, she'd given nothing away; her expression stoic. Listening to her superiors speak, she'd only taken a moment's contemplation before she accepted the terms. She'd chosen to fight the Ring. And it had left Chuck feeling torn.

Because as much as he'd rejoiced in having her as his partner once again, their living arrangement wasn't exactly… conducive. Yet, it would have been less of an issue had he not let his emotions get the better of him. Now, he couldn't blame Carina if she were to pull away from him. He just wished that wasn't the case.

Of course, one doesn't always get what one wishes for.

Six weeks on, a new house, three very interesting roommates, and a few missions later, the team was not even halfway near to accomplishing their target.

And any previous signs that Carina was slowly opening up to him emotionally had come to a grinding stop. It was as if their kiss never happened. Not that he could blame her. Not after the way he acted. But his predicament did not end there. There was also one other important piece of his life that he just couldn't quite figure out. Sarah.

His cover girlfriend.

Desperate, confused, and at a loss, Chuck had turned to the only person he could talk to. Tired of avoiding one, and unsure of how to deal with another, he had trudged down to meet his saviour. So there he was, on a Friday morning, staring forlornly into his coffee cup as he awaited the verdict.

"You're an idiot."

"That is so encouraging, Sis," Chuck responded flatly.

"I'm sorry, lil' Brother, but you know you had it coming," she leaned back in her seat. They were sitting by the window in the hospital cafeteria while Chuck related his entire sorry story to his sister. Ellie had listened, at times nodding, sometimes chuckling but most of the time shaking her head with a look that said, _What exactly were you thinking, Chuck? _Yet never once did she interrupt him. Until he asked her what she thought.

"So what do I do?" he muttered, more to himself than to Ellie.

"The question is not what you should do, but what do you really want?"

He looked at her with an expression so lost; it was as if he couldn't comprehend the question at all. Didn't understand where she was coming from. Then like a cloud passing, he groaned, letting his forehead fall in his hands.

As Ellie watched realization fill his eyes, she could only guess how wretched he must have been feeling. And like any doting sister, her first instinct was to protect him. Shield him from all the worries in the world. Make that decision for him. But she knew it wasn't the time to pick sides.

While that would be easier, it wouldn't be right. It was his life. It was his choice. He needed to see for himself.

"Do you still love her, Chuck?"

She heard him sigh. He rubbed his eyes tiredly with the heel of his hand, and looked up slowly to meet Ellie's gaze.

"I don't know," he said. "I honestly don't know, El." He wrapped his hand around the paper cup for possibly the umpteenth time. Then he let it go. The coffee that had by now gone cold, still went untouched. _And it was probably going into the rubbish bin_, Ellie thought. _The story of his life._

"I was over her," Chuck continued after a long time. He wasn't looking at her anymore; his eyes instead settling on her shoulder. "At least I thought so. The separation crushed me. But the distance gave me perspective, and the time helped me heal. Then there she was. And I didn't know what to do. What to say. Now I see her every single day. And there are only so many rooms I can go into without bumping into her. I wished I was back in DC."

Ellie bit her tongue. She could see it in his eyes. The flash of resentment. But it wasn't that tiny bitterness that piqued her interest. She knew her brother. He was so sweet-natured. He couldn't hate, and Ellie was sure that once he understood what he wanted, then his past wouldn't matter anymore. No, what caught Ellie's attention was another emotion in his brown orbs, on his features. It was regret; and also a constant longing. Like he was missing something. Or someone. It had been there when she first saw him this morning. It was in the way he mentioned D.C. It was in the sigh that escaped his lips every time he mentioned _her_ name.

Chuck was talking about Sarah but he was thinking about… _her. _

"Carina," Sarah voice carried from the kitchen into their living room. "Your phone's vibrating."

From where she was standing, she could see a full view of her friend lounging in the living room. The agencies assigned them a house much like Casa Bartowski but with two floors and three bedrooms. The two rooms on the second floor were occupied by Sarah and Casey while Carina's room was situated to the left of the living area. And of course, since sharing a room with his cover girlfriend was a definite 'no', and being the person that he was, he'd refused to impose on the others, Chuck had taken up residence in the only room left: the study room.

That arrangement was definitely expected but Sarah could not deny that his immediate refusal had hurt more than she thought. She hadn't anticipated Chuck to easily forget what she'd done but she thought…

_What? What exactly did she think would happened?_

Her eyes fell on Carina's relaxed posture. Picking up the the mobile phone, she padded over to where her friend sat and thrust the device in front of the red head.

Carina frowned down at the paper, a pencil in hand, and ignored her friend. She'd attend to the phone later.

"Crossword puzzles?"

Not looking up from the papers, she continued filling in the boxes. Satisfied, she began reading the next clue.

"I swear I've never seen you with a newspaper in hand, much less crossword puzzles," Sarah said, settling down next to her on the couch as she dropped the phone between them.

"It's Friday morning, and I'm bored."

"And Carina Miller's idea of amusing herself is with… _crossword puzzles?_"

"I'd prance around naked but there's only you to show." Carina mumbled as she wrote. "Unfortunately, you're not my type, darling.

"Honey, you don't have a type."

"Apparently I do," Carina muttered in distraction. "Hah, _acceptance_," she wrote down smugly. Glancing at the clock on the wall, she said, "One more question and I'll beat Chuck's time."

Sarah was silent for a moment. "He got you into crosswords, huh?" A few weeks with Carina and it felt like she was seeing a whole new facet to her friend. Though Sarah didn't know why, this development left her unsettled. Or maybe, she convinced herself, she was beginning to see this side of Carina because she'd been spending so much time with her best friend lately. Sarah wondered if she knew so little of her friend.

"He got you into a lot of things, it seems."

"He got me into a lot of trouble, if that's what you mean."

"So what is your type?" Sarah asked.

"Hmm?"

"Your type, Carina?" Seeing that the red head wasn't paying much attention, she tried again, half-teasingly, "Don't tell me it's Chuck?"

At the mention of Chuck's name, Carina looked up for the first time at Sarah, "Please, that goofball. He's a nerd. Do you really think he'd be my type? Why would you even think that? I mean, is that even possible?"

_That was one protest too many_. "Stranger things have been known to happen."

"Like what?" Carina lifted her chin defiantly.

"Like Carina Miller doing crosswords on a Friday morning in her PJs?"

Carina rolled her eyes and went back to her puzzles. "I'm too tired to run after the mission last night. Too early to," she paused, jotting down again, "go out for a drink." She stared down at the last clue. "And there's nothing good on TV," she said. "I checked."

_Crosswords, T.V., staying in on a Friday morning…_ Her friend didn't do domestic. Never did. But like she'd said to Carina, _Stranger things have happened. _But it also could be the years softening her friend, Sarah had rationalized. Because judging from their recent missions, Sarah had noted that even if Carina was still unpredictable, she'd not been as reckless. So that was what it was: Carina had merely mellowed.

As Sarah read the last clue, she paused before she spoke quietly. "Denial."

"What?"

Sarah regarded her friend's questioning gaze. Something in Carina's expression unsettled Sarah. It flashed in her eyes for a second but it had been brief. But it was enough. Sarah pointed her finger at the clue. "A six-letter word for defense mechanism. Denial. That's your answer."

There was a beat before Carina answered with a shrug. "You've just ruined it for me. It's better if I could come up with the answer myself now, wouldn't it?"

Before Sarah could answer, Carina's mobile phone vibrated again. Taking a peek at the caller's I.D., Carina answered it quickly with an almost relieved smile. "Didn't expect you to call so early," Carina cooed into the phone, her voice flirty and playful. Shooting Sarah a quick wink, she got up from the couch, crossed over to her room, and shut the door behind her.

She could hear Carina's muffled laughter coming from behind the closed door. But, Carina's laughter, once so infectious that it could diffuse Sarah's annoyance, did nothing to allay her unease that morning. Because Carina's cheerfulness had appeared forced. _And her laughter…_

Her eyes travelled to the paper Carina had left on the table. The last question was left unanswered. After a long while staring at it, Sarah picked it up and began filling in the blanks.

_Denial, _Sarah wrote, staring hard at the word.

_Was Carina in denial?_

She kept staring until the letters blurred and all Sarah could see were black lines running across the page. She folded the paper and sank into the couch.

_Or was she?_

* * *

_Thanks for reading : ) – minirix._


	9. Chapter 9

_Ace – whom some of you know as the little brat who ruined my 'BM' – said that this chapter would make a lot of people very unhappy. Apparently he's not one of them. Because he's pestering for more chapters. But then again, he has always been a pesky little gnat where 'BM' is concerned. Anyway, I told him that any reaction is better than no reaction at all ;)_

___On another note, I think I'm done explaining myself to people who asked me why I keep writing Charina. To each his (or her) own. I'm just really happy you bothered to even read it._

_Disclaimer: They told me that no matter how many people I've influenced to get on the Charina bandwagon, they're still not giving Chuck to me._

* * *

It was mid-afternoon when Chuck left the beach and set for home. The sun was already low and the light was fast fading over the horizon. He could hear the sound of waves growing fainter as he left it behind. Much as he would like to stay, being comforted by the calming swirl of the breeze, he knew he couldn't put it off any longer. Even if he couldn't undo the mess he had created, he'd promised Ellie that he'd at least take the first step and try.

Turning a corner, he found an empty lot and parked by the side of the pavement. As he turned off the ignition, Chuck hesitated before stepping out of his car. Footsteps announced her presence but they halted abruptly when blue eyes met his brown ones; startled to see him standing right in front of her. But her surprise was short-lived; her discomfort cast aside, replaced by a quick half-smile.

Watching as she walk towards him – with her figure hugging black dress, a matching clutch, and killer heels – Chuck knew exactly where she would be heading to. And he was none too pleased.

"_So," Ellie's eyebrows furrowed, "let me get this straight. She kissed you first." It came out more as a statement than a question._

"_No, I did," he sighed, frustrated. "When I opened the door-"_

"_And after which, you made it look like it was a horrible mistake."_

"_I-"_

"_She made her decision, opted for Burbank, land herself on your front door," she paused for effect, "and you acted like kissing her happened to be this huge slip-up."_

"_That's not it-"_

"_And after which," she pushed on undeterred, "she kissed you- twice! And at my house, not only did you not kiss her, you deflected by talking about Scully?"_

"_She didn't seem ready."_

"_She flirts with you, gives all the right signals- in short, makes all the first moves, and what exactly have you done?" she asked, looking more unimpressed by the second._

_He floundered for a response. His first reaction was to protest. Ellie didn't know Carina like he did. Didn't know her likes. Her dislikes. How she hated to be shackled. Abide by her own rules. But the more Ellie's reasoning settled around him, the less sure his earlier conviction appeared to be. And in truth, much as he loathed admitting it, Chuck was forced to ask himself: how much did he really know about Carina's feelings?_

"_Do you like her, Chuck?"_

"_You saw it for yourself."_

_Ellie shook her head. "Doesn't count what I saw. Sometimes a picture does not reveal everything and at times, completely deceiving." She gave him a pointed look knowing that he understood what she was implying._

"_Wasn't all a lie back then," was all he could say._

"_And we have seen how well that had worked out. You having to move to D.C. and all."_

_He pouted and stared at Ellie._

"_You still haven't answered my question," Ellie said._

_He took a long moment, deliberating her question; his weary eyes seeking a source of distraction as they swept across the cafeteria. It didn't prove to be helpful in the least; every little detail aggravated him. The smell of antiseptic that usually went unnoticed now stifled him as it hung thick in the air. _

_Why couldn't he answer it?_

"_Chuck?" her worried tone brought him back to their conversation._

"_It's complicated, El."_

"_It's a simple yes or no."_

"_She's not like the rest. I told you that already."_

"_Chuck," her voice softened, "there are two ways to look at this. Say that it's true. Say that she really is all that. That she's not into relationship. That she's a free spirit. In that case, you're just setting yourself up for a whole lot of disappointment and heartbreak. And I'd completely understand why you're not ready to risk it. But on the other hand, had it ever occur to you that there might be a possibility, however slim, that it might be different with you? If that were the case, you're not doing yourself any favour by being indecisive like this. And honestly, you're not being fair to both of them. Avoiding one doesn't help you escape your past. Denying the other won't make that heartache hurt any less. At the end of the day, the question that you have to ask yourself is: is it complicated because she's not ready… or is it you who isn't ready to move on? And do you even want to?"_

It had shaken him. Compelled him to evaluate his feelings; feelings that he thought he'd long buried. And needing the quiet, his feet had taken him to the only place where he'd always seek solace. His only place of comfort where the sand rubbed soothingly against his feet, and the crashing waves drowned out the rumbling of his thoughts.

But temporary escape will never be the answer to ones troubles.

Standing by the side of his car, he clamped down on his disappointment, pursed his lips, and waited as she approached.

"Going somewhere?" he asked as she neared, his voice surprisingly calm.

"It's Friday night, Chuck. You don't expect me to be cooped up in the house, do you?"

"_But no matter what your decision may be," Ellie's words came back to him, "do not make the assumption that just because you want something, you can just take it without working for it. You want someone, you make your feelings known."_

"Aren't you driving?"

"Nah. I don't drink and drive."

"Want me to drive you?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Only if I'm twelve."

"Well we can never be too careful, you know," he injected some levity into his tone.

He could see the bemusement in her eyes as he berated himself internally.

"I bet. It'll be like walking into a den of vultures just waiting to have their best pick of the best looking meat." She gave her body a once-over and added saucily, "Well you know who they'll be going for."

"You're not some…" he cringed at the word, "… meat, Carina."

She rolled her eyes. "It's a metaphor, Chuck."

"I know, but that doesn't mean I dislike it any less."

"Dislike what?"

"Men looking at you in that way."

"In what way?"

"Like they don't respect you," he said, exasperation seeping in his voice. "You're a smart, intelligent woman. You deserved better."

"And better would be…"

"Someone who respects and cherishes you."

"Right," she drawled. "Until he starts to not only cherish me but other women as well."

Chuck faltered. _Was he wrong, or was that directed at him?_

"Aww, don't look so grave, Chuck," she laughed. "I wasn't talking about you."

Despite what she said, he knew her. Knew that laughter. And he felt the guilt burrowing that tiny bit deeper.

"Carina-"

As if anticipating his thoughts, she cut him off with a dismissive wave of her hand. "I gotta go, Chuck. You know I hate being late." Seeing her walking away, Chuck hastened, reaching for her hand.

"I'll drive you there."

"What for?"

"I'm going out anyway."

"But you just got back."

"I don't feel like going in the house."

"Why not? Sarah's in there." It had been fleeting. So brief that for a moment he thought he must have imagined it. But he couldn't have. Because when she'd mentioned Sarah's name, her body had appeared tense. And despite the casualness of her words, he thought he saw the hardening of her eyes. _Was he mistaken?_

"So?"

"Honey, she's all alone in the house," she said, the satirical smirk back in place. "Go talk. It's what you do best isn't it? Talking?"

She might as well continue that with: _You're all talk, but no action._

"I don't have anything to say to her." And that was unfortunately true.

"Hah, that's a first. The Chuck who talks things to death has nothing to say to the girl he's been pining for the last three years."

"That hasn't been the case for a long time."

"Could've fooled me."

He studied her carefully. They didn't used to speak like this. She could be evasive. And she could also be blunt in her speech. But there was always an easy air to their banter that had been borne out of their close friendship. Not this. Not this underlying bitterness.

He was definitely not imagining it this time. But before he could run away with his thoughts, Ellie's words grounded them to a stop. Because, despite what he thought it could imply, there was no way to know for certain. Of course, he could try asking.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Should I be?"

"That's something only you can tell me."

"Why? Did you do something wrong?" Her eyes narrowed. "Did you steal my lingerie? 'Cause I went through my drawer and I swear one of my undies is missing."

"What?" he gaped at her. "No! Why would I? I'm not some perv."

"Your room is next to mine."

"So it is. But it doesn't-" he groaned. "You're changing the subject."

"Changing what subject?"

"About you being-"

"About me being right?

"No," he said, his brows mapping in frustration. "You know what I meant."

"No, I don't," she sauntered off, already heading to the side of the road, craning her neck for any sign of a taxicab.

"I said I'll take you, wherever you need to go."

"And be the third wheel for my date?"

"I thought you don't do dates."

"No," she corrected, "I don't do relationships. There's a difference."

"Dates lead to relationships, you know."

"Not all of them," she said, looking mildly irritated. "Look, Chuck, as enlightening as this conversation has been, I'm not the girl you should be talking to. Talk to your _girlfriend_ in there, okay?" she stretched out her arm, hailing a taxi.

"She's not my girlfriend," he replied as the car rolled to a stop.

"It's your cover, Chuck," she said without looking at him. "Sell it."

Her words ended with the sharp slamming of the door. Standing on the pavement, watching the yellow vehicle cruised away from him, he waited, hoping that Carina would look in his direction. She didn't. Not even once.

Exhaling dejectedly, he turned and trudged back to the house.

He had hoped to avoid her. To walk straight to his room without having to speak to Sarah. He knew he couldn't escape her forever, and after his talk with Ellie earlier, Chuck agreed that he needed to say something to her. Not that he hadn't. They had spoken with civil politeness to one another but those conversations were strictly limited to mission plans. But as he stared wearily down at the pizza box in his hand, he figured that he'd better start to think of something to say. Soon.

Chuck willed his body to ease the anxiety before he pushed the door opened. Aside from the light spilling from the kitchen, the house was in darkness. He crept his way to the kitchen, quietly musing to himself on his attempt at stealth. He intended to leave the box on the kitchen island and quickly sneaked back into his room.

He could almost hear Ellie chiding him but in his defense, a part of him had merely reasoned out that he was only trying to be considerate to his roommate who might be resting upstairs. Yes, that was it, he nodded firmly and continued forward before he halted. Sitting with a mug in one hand and a stack of reports in another, Sarah startled when she saw him rooted not a few feet away from her. Gaining her composure, her lips carved in an apologetic smile when her eyes travelled to the box he was holding.

"I'll go get my wallet," she said, making for the stairs.

"No need," he instinctively reached out to stop her but immediately withdrew his hand from her arm. "I mean," he mumbled. "It's my treat. The delivery guy accosted me outside our front door and I thought it was Casey's and so, you know I'm trying to get into his good graces and all, after what happened last night, and…" he was rambling. "Really, it's nothing at all." There was an awkward silence. "Yours, I supposed?" he held it out to her.

"Thanks. There's nothing much to eat in the house," she took it off of his hand and padded over to her seat. She laid the box down and for a second, looked like she was about to speak but then closed her mouth.

"Well," Chuck said, shifting on his feet, "I just leave you to it. Enjoy your meal."

"Chuck…"

Chuck stopped. She appeared nervous – if that was even possible. "Casey's not back yet, and I don't think I can finish this on my own." Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, she looked at him expectantly. "Wanna join me?"

His immediate thought was to decline her invitation. Whatever conversation they will have would be stilted, peppered with uneasy silence. For many weeks, he had taken great pains to avoid being caught in such situation. Whenever they had a day off, he would leave early in the morning and returned just to crash on his bed at night. It hadn't been most ideal but it was, he felt, to be the best course of action until he figure out just exactly how to deal with his dilemma. But now looking at her downcast eyes as she fought to maintain a smile at his hesitation, Chuck couldn't help it.

"Sure," he said. "Why not? I'm starving myself."

As soon as he lifted the flap opened, Chuck began to frown. "Guess they forgot," he murmured to himself and started to pick the olives from the pizza, arranging them on his plate. Wordlessly, he passed a slice to Sarah, as both ate without looking at one another; the ability to make small talk over a meal seemed to elude them.

The silence stretched uncomfortably long till Sarah spoke. "You remembered."

Chuck stopped chewing, his eyes flicking to her. When she afforded no further explanation, he remained quiet, his discomfort rising.

"You remembered the olives," she said, her voice softer this time.

It shouldn't be this hard. There was a time when words rolled out of his tongue so effortlessly whenever he was around Sarah. Those days were long gone, and now, despite working together, living under the same roof, and having to play the part of being a couple once more, nothing would ever be the same.

"Some things you just can't forget," he replied.

She nodded in acquiesce and then muttered, almost in a whisper, "And some things you can't ever forgive."

Because sometimes, a relationship once broken, can never be mend again. And he had wondered if the same applied to him.

He had held her in his heart for so long. Loved her. Dreamt of a future together. However that fantasy had been shattered the moment she left him without so much as a goodbye. But as much as it would be easier to lay the blame on her feet, he knew he was as culpable in the demise of their relationship. As great as the hurt had been for him, he could only imagined how it must have been for her when he refused to run away together. And the time he had to ponder things through at the beach earlier, had forced him to accept the possibility: that the day he downloaded intersect 2.0, may be the beginning of the end of Chuck and Sarah.

With a calmness of voice that betrayed no emotion, he said, "There's nothing to forgive, Sarah. It's all in the past."

"Yet sometimes our past has a way of haunting us despite our best intention to move on."

Even though he still hadn't looked up, there was no mistaking the palpable sadness in her voice. The regret that wrapped her speech. And to be on the receiving end of said emotions filled him with great remorse. His throat constricted; the walls seemingly closing in on him. He couldn't find the strength to lift his gaze.

Because love takes many forms. Despite their fractured history, he did love her and he could never stop caring for the woman who sat before him. The woman who'd left such an indelible mark in his heart. A heart that never truly knew what it wanted. Until this evening.

Until he was jolted out of his long, seemingly endless slumber when he heard the sound of the taxi door, slamming in his face – as if shutting him out forever. And he knew. He just did.

He lifted his eyes to Sarah, the lingering resentment replaced by a quiet sorrow as he at long last felt the finality of the end of a once beautiful relationship. The pieces could never be joined ever again. Even if they did, the complete picture would be fragmented at best.

He didn't know if he could ever settle for that anymore.

He would take comfort nonetheless. For every beautiful relationship that ends in tears, he was convinced that there must be one just like it that is starting to blossom.

But for now, no deflection. No prevarication. No denial. They say that acknowledging the truth can hurt sometimes. He guessed it must be true.

Because Chuck could already feel his heart breaking.

* * *

_My friend and I had this debate regarding Chuck and Sarah. After she read this, she said that there's no way in hell Chuck can ever move on when the love of his life is staring at him – every single damn day (her words, not mine). And she feels that when you love someone so much, the way Chuck loved Sarah, it would be inconceivable for them to be just friends after all that history together. As for my opinion, well, you guys will know as you read along._

_So, purely out of curiosity (because my friend is totally not trying to see whose opinion is 'righter' – again, her word), here are some questions:_

_1) Can Chuck ever truly move on despite everything that has happened between Sarah and him?_

_2) Is it possible for them to be friends?_

_3) Will Carina be anything more than just a fling?_

_Thanks for reading (and answering) – minirix ;) _


	10. Chapter 10

_Thanks for all the opinions (be it from the Charah or the Charina supporters), the messages, and definitely the words of encouragement. They really made my day._

_And speaking of opinions, there are two things my friend took from the reviews. Firstly, she was gloating that she's 'righter' and that I'm only semi-right on all counts. And secondly, seeing that there are surprisingly a sizable number of Charah supporters reading this story, she said that it's only right for me to go with the popular consensus.  
_

_Right... ;) _

_Anyway, thanks for reading._

* * *

The blue water glistened under the glare of the Miami midday sun. Shaped like a enormous seashell, the hotel swimming pool was the subject of much interest from its guests. Unsurprisingly, visitors to the hotel chose to use the hotel amenity rather than take to the clear sea which was just a stone's throw away from the vicinity.

Normally, Chuck would have stayed away. He couldn't understand why one would prefer the highly chlorinated water over the real deal. Besides, he didn't think that the giant seashell was all that great to look at.

Sitting on one of the many 'splash' lounge chairs - its name derived from the chair's unique shape - that lined the outer edge of the pool, he pushed his shades above his head as he waited, his eyes on her. Chuck watched as she glides effortlessly through the water, long graceful strokes of her arms pulling her nearer to where he sat. She emerged a few moments later, her strides purposeful; her smile alluring.

He straightened in his seat even before she was within reach. Gone from his view was the sea of faces idling around the pool area. In a haze-induced second, all he saw was her as she bent down, angling her face to press a slow, languid kiss on his lips. And his world felt right again.

"Is he looking?" she whispered when she pulled back.

His lips curved in a lazy smile, an arm hooked around her waist.

"Chuck?"

"Huh?'

"Can we focus please?"

_Right. The mission. _Although he could use this to his advantage.

He pulled her onto his lap, inviting a raised eyebrow from her. "What?" he asked innocently. "You're blocking my view." Furtively flicking his gaze towards the man in question, an unbidden scowl marred his features. "Well, if trying to undress you with those detestable eyes means he's looking at you- then yes. We've reached our goal."

The goal was for Carina to attract the attention of one Valentin Kozlov. A notorious Russian playboy who has a weakness for beautiful red heads. The more unattainable they appeared to be, the more he lusted over them. Although that information in itself would have made Chuck regard him with barely concealed contempt, the fact that the wealthy Russian was also thought to be a major power player supplying arms to one of the smaller organizations that made up the Ring, was the reason why the team had descended on one of Miami's luxurious hotels. And it was also why Carina was sitting on his lap without much of a protest.

However the glare she was shooting at him said otherwise.

"Good," she said. "Now, you can release me and go get me a drink. Don't come back till you get my signal." When he made no attempt to move, she said, "Or we can wait here until our Valentin joins us and we can both sit on your lap."

"_Our _Valentin. Since when did he become _our_ Valentin?"

"You jealous, Chuck?"

"Well I am your boyfriend."

"Cover, Chuck. It's just a cover. Can we move on now?"

He ignored Casey when Chuck heard him snorting in his earpiece. "Not yet," he said.

"We've got him, Chuck. Now don't waste time. The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can leave this awful heat."

"Nope. If he's anything like the profile indicates, then you have to sit here a little while longer. Because what kind of loving boyfriend would I be if I got up and leave the moment his gorgeous girlfriend graced him with a kiss." Chuck leaned in, whispering in her ears, "We have to sell it, remember? Your words, honey," he kissed Carina on the cheek, "not mine." He glanced back at Kozlov. "Fits the profile to a T."

"Chuck," he heard the warning tone in her voice.

"Fine, fine," he got up. "I'm going. Although," he inclined his head down, waggling his eyebrows, "how about giving your boyfriend a good luck kiss before he leaves?"

Carina gave a curious stare. "How about giving my _partner _a good luck kick, instead?"

"Guess I'll have to take it myself then," he gave her a quick kiss before walking off, leaving a befuddled-looking Carina as she contemplated what on earth had happened to the nerd these past few weeks. And right on cue, the minute Chuck was out of sight, Kozlov wasted no time in making his way towards Carina. Looking from behind a pillar, Chuck thought grimly, _Let the mission begin._

He awoke with a start on a hospital bed. At least he thought he was on one judging by the overpowering smell of antiseptic that invaded his nostrils. But the one clue that told him that he wasn't in an actual hospital was the lack of window in the room and it resembled a holding cell more than the normal hospital room.

He groaned when he tried to move, every muscle in his body seemed to protest at the sudden exertion. His left arm was in a sling but other than an aching discomfort when he tried to move it, Chuck found that the pain was still bearable. He lived for another day. But as to how he got here, he couldn't really remember.

He recalled pushing Sarah out of the path of a bullet, and landing awkwardly on his side. He didn't know which pain was worse though; the burning pain on his arm where he was shot, or the sharp throbbing of his dislocated shoulder. Either way, he was lucky to get out of the hotel alive, along with Koslov's thumbdrive which the man kept on him at all time; the thumbdrive in a shape of a pendant, hanging around his neck.

All in all, it wasn't a complete failure even if they didn't manage to download the entire content of his hard drive from his computer.

"How are you feeling?"

He looked up and saw Sarah standing in the doorway. Concern coloured her eyes as she gazed at him but she didn't move from her spot.

Disregarding the twinge in his heart, he motioned for her to sit on the uncomfortable-looking steel chair by the side of his bed.

"Don't," Chuck said weakly when she settled down. "Don't be sorry. It's not your fault."

"The bullet could have hit anywhere, you know?"

"But it didn't. And I still live to annoy the hell out of the Colonel." That elicited a small smile from her and it helped to alleviate the ache in his heart in some way. He touched his shoulder. "He does have a funny way of showing he care for me."

"It was because of his quick thinking that your shoulder injury was greatly reduced before the muscle spasm set in. That's what the doctor said anyway."

He listened, and nodded tiredly. "Where am I?"

"You don't remember?"

"I have an embarrassingly low threshold of pain. After I felt him pull his magic hand trick on my shoulder in the van, a dose of codeine later, pretty much everything was a blur from then on."

"We drove to our safe house, Chuck. The medic team worked on your bullet wound and your shoulder. And after which, you were transported here. They didn't want to take any chances by leaving you in Miami."

"Where is here?"

"Castle's infirmary. Used to be a holding cell, I'm told."

"Thought so." There was a period of silence but Chuck thought that all things considered, they were making progress. It was the longest conversation he'd had with Sarah without awkwardness seeping in. Yet, he feared that this was as far as they were ever going to get. He closed his eyes momentarily, feeling the weariness washed over him. _Where do they go from here?_

"You need rest. I should probably go," Sarah said as she stood up. "Do you want me to get you anything? How about something to drink?"

"That'd be nice." His ribs protested greatly this time when he tried to get up, and Sarah was quick to help him. As soon as she held his waist, he recoiled, hissing sharply.

"What- what's wrong?" she asked, lifting his t-shirt to inspect his ribs. "When did you get this?"

He peered at his bruise. "Must be when Mr. Terminator body-slammed me to the wall."

"_Who?_"

"Never mind." he said, suddenly needing some air. Sarah was sitting close to him. Too close in fact. Her fingers were still clutching the hem of his shirt while the other hand held his back. And when she raised her eyes to meet his, Chuck found himself with nothing intelligent to say.

A movement to his right forced him out of his stupor. His heart involuntarily froze and finding the strength that failed him just seconds ago, Chuck hastily pulled his shirt down, shifting minutely away from Sarah.

"Hey," he greeted, a little too cheerily. "Sarah was just checking on my bruise."

"I can see that, Chuck," Carina sauntered in with an air of nonchalance, carrying a small paper bag behind her.

"So where are we going?" Sarah asked Carina as she returned to her seat. She avoided looking at him as she did so. _Had he hurt her_? he wondered. Chuck really couldn't tell. Not when her face betrayed no emotion. He turned to look at Carina. She wasn't paying him any attention either; both women carrying on their conversation as if he wasn't in the room.

_He couldn't go on like this, _he sighed. Always tiptoeing around them, trying his hardest not to hurt their feelings. Constantly second guessing his own actions; his own words. It was wearing him down.

"We're going to Cairo?" he asked.

"Not you, honey," Carina said. "Just Johnny and I. Recon work."

"What about me?" Sarah said.

"Beckman's order. Someone's gotta stay with him and you're the natural choice."

"Wait, I'm fine-" he winced.

"Yeah, you're fine alright." Carina turned to leave. "See you upstairs, Walker."

"Carina, wait. I have something to say to you."

She stared at him with disinterest. "Well? What is it?"

"Erm… it's about… Marc." At the mentioned of his name, Carina hesitated.

"I'm leaving anyway. You guys go ahead and talk."

"So?" she asked once Sarah left. "What about him?"

_Yeah. What about him? _Chuck hadn't think that far.

"You know what? I'm really, really thirsty."

"And?"

"I haven't had a drop to drink since I woke up."

"Didn't she give one to you already?"

"You came before I could have a sip." _Okay. Bad answer_, he thought when he saw her expression.

"So I was getting in the way."

"No! No you weren't. You came at the right time- no, no that's not what I meant." Nothing seemed to be going right for him. _Breathe, Chuck._ Calming himself down, his eyes fell on the brown paper bag she was holding.

"You brought my comic books?" Lighting up, "You do care about me."

"Don't flatter yourself," she dropped the bag on his laps, and crossed her arms defensively.

"Then why did you bring them?"

"Didn't you say you wanted to tell me something?"

He avoided her eyes, pushing the bag aside.

"You lied, didn't you?"

"Well," he looked sheepishly at Carina. "It wasn't entirely a lie. I did want to say something to you."

She rolled her eyes, walked over to the table by the side of the bed to pour a glass of water, and held it out to him.

"You want me to hold that myself?"

She stared at him in disbelief. "You have a capable and functioning right hand don't you?"

"Yeah but I'm hurt."

"Unbelievable," Carina muttered under her breath even as she settled next to him on the bed. Grinning like a child who's been given a candy, he took small gulps from the glass she held to his lips, slaking his parched throat.

"What are you smiling at?"

"What is it you think I'm looking at?"

"I swear, Chuck, one of these days, I'm going to have to accidentally shoot you myself."

"No you won't."

"Don't be so sure."

"I am. You'll miss this boyfriend of yours too much."

"Fortunately, you're not my boyfriend."

"Really?" he leaned forward, closing their distance as his fingers curled around her hand that was holding the glass. "Then what was the kiss the other day?"

"A mission."

"Didn't feel like a mission kiss."

"What is this, Chuck? Are you trying to seduce me?"

"It depends, is it working?"

"What do you think?"

"I think," his smile growing softer, "that I have a shot."

"You wanna know what I think?" she whispered, drawing nearer. "I'm thinking," she continued, coming even closer, "that maybe," her lips inches away from his, and just when Chuck felt his heart swelling with anticipation, she backed away, "you have to try harder."

But she couldn't retreat too far this time because he was quick to hook an arm around her waist, pulling her back towards him.

She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"What if I do?" he asked quietly, his eyes never once leaving hers. "What if I do try harder? Are you going to try and stop me? Are you going to keep shutting me down?"

For once, she had no retorts. No witty comebacks. She merely regarded him with an unwavering gaze; the emotion behind her eyes undecipherable. He knew he was pushing his luck. Pushing it further than he ever did before. But he was too far gone to even care. As he inched forward, his lips moving to claim hers, he knew what he was placing on the line.

It was a risk that could possibly end in heartache.

But it was a risk he was willing to take.

"Oh for the love of God," Casey's voice boomed from the doorway. "Go get a room."

_So. Very. Close. _Chuck let out an exasperated sigh but didn't relinquish his hold on Carina. He glared at Casey, opening his mouth to speak but to his surprise, Carina beat him to it with her usual cutting response.

"We are in a room, John. You're the one who's intruding," she answered coolly.

"I'm checking up on the geek."

"He'll be fine as long as you don't speak."

"Well you're giving me an eyesore."

"We never told you to look, did we?"

Chuck could only look on with growing amusement, trying hard not to grin. The big man marched in, throwing a manila folder on the table with a grunt. "Just want Bartowski to look in there, see if he can flash on anything before we leave for Cairo. And make it quick."

"Are you telling us to have a quickie, Johnny? How very bold of you!" Carina retorted with a sly smirk. Glowering at her last remark, and properly defeated, Casey barked, "Meeting with Beckman in ten." And he left them, without saying another word.

"Only a brave soul can take on the Colonel like that without quaking."

"Please, Johnny knows what I have on him. He doesn't stand a chance."

He laughed lightly and for a moment, he let himself believe that they had fallen into their usual rapport. That the last few months never happened. But when she grew pensive in the lull that followed, averting her eyes from his, Chuck's smile slowly faded from his lips.

She extracted herself from him, putting some distance between them on the bed as she reached out for the folder. Chuck watched her perusing the papers, before she passed them over to him, her face a neutral mask.

He didn't take it from her. He just sat, his back resting against the pillow while quietly regarding her, wishing he could understand the woman who sat before him.

"Aren't you gonna take it?"

"Aren't you gonna come closer?" he asked.

"It's not that far that you can't reach out for it Chuck."

"It's not. But you are." He didn't know what he was trying to achieve by doing this. "You're always one step too far from me." _Did he hope to rattle her? Have her take him seriously?_ Around her, he never seemed to know what to expect. She was always unpredictable like that but it was a first for him to see the shoe on the other foot. To see her unguarded, for once – if only for a moment.

"Can we focus on the mission please?"

"Can't you stay and let Sarah go to Cairo instead?"

Rising from the bed, she set the papers next to him. "It's what the General want, Chuck. She's your cover girlfriend anyway. Go through the papers, and if you flash on anything, just call Casey," she said in a professional tone. "And don't annoy her too much. She's been through a lot," she said before walking over to the door.

"You haven't answered my question."

She paused.

"What if I try harder? What then?"

All she did was shook her head, half-turned to look at him with a humourless smile. "You're just chasing rainbows, Chuck"

Her footsteps rang in his ears long after they faded away. It was strange. Whatever hopes he had should have vanished with her words. They should have died with each step she took. But it didn't.

Because he finally understood how she felt.

And he knew - he wasn't wasting his time.


	11. Chapter 11

_Don't know if anyone's interested to know, but here's a tiny bit of trivia: whenever I'm stumped writing Chuck's and Carina's characters, there are two songs that I listened to; 'Should I stay' and 'Give me a little more time'. Both songs are sung by the British singer, Gabrielle. Not everyone's cup of tea probably, but the words from those songs usually let me get a feel of the characters' state of mind and I just go from there. And if you guys do listen to them, feel free to drop me a line about what you feel the songs represent.  
_

_Anyways, thanks for reading._

_Disclaimer: Chuck's not mine._

* * *

Raindrops streaked down the window of his room. Outside, the sky was painted a dull grey, the relentless downpour refusing to let up for five straight days. From the tourist populated streets of London, to the gritty back alleys of New York, and finally back home to the wide open spaces of Burbank; three different cities, the same gloomy weather.

None of that mattered anyway. No amount of sunshine could inject a much needed dose of levity in their house. Even Casey, with his brand of sarcasms and his own patented grunts, had mostly kept to himself whenever the four of them were under the same roof. There was no cause for cheer. No laughter to be shared amongst them even when they were closer now to the truth. Closer than ever to completing their mission.

Just the dismal cloud hanging over their once lively camaraderie.

And Chuck couldn't help feeling that it was all his fault. If only he could turn it all around. If only he had control of his own heart. If only he hadn't come back to Burbank. If only he hadn't been so compromised. If only.

The two saddest words in his life right now.

But he was helpless against the tide of misery that threatened to sink all of them. He wasn't a superhero like in his comic books. He couldn't give joy at the push of a button. He was just an ordinary guy, albeit with a supercomputer in his brain and a fairly capable skill set to help him survive in the cutthroat world of espionage. He was just Chuck.

The only little comfort he could take was that despite the team not bonding like they used to outside of mission, Sarah's and Carina's friendship didn't seemed to be affected. It was true what Carina had said once, that her friendship with Sarah had gone through many a turbulent times. And every single time something happened to shake it, they had come out of it stronger. Closer.

Yet the same couldn't be said about his friendship with Carina. The more he tried to talk to her, the more she began to pull away. It was as if she had shut him out completely.

Nonetheless, he was clinging on a tiny piece of hope. He knew it wasn't just wishful thinking. Knew it wasn't one-sided. Because he understood where she was coming from. And he knew he had to keep breaking those walls if he were to get her to listen. Still, it didn't mean he wasn't affected. That all that wall of non-emotion wasn't wearing him down.

But was it selfish of him to pursue her knowing that his continued effort could possibly jeopardized Carina's relationship with Sarah? Was he so self-centred that he was willing to ruin that bond just for the preservation of his own heart?

Yet every time he took a step back, it had hurt him. Hurt him terribly. He sorely missed what they had back in D.C. Felt that aching emptiness in his chest from the loss of their warm companionship.

It was a constant struggle for Chuck. Not knowing what was right or wrong anymore; his head in perpetual war with his heart.

The clap of thunder broke him out of his brooding. How long had he been staying in the semi-darkness of his room with only his despair for company? He got up from his bed and padded out. Carina's door was wide opened, and a peek inside showed it empty of its occupant. No movement could be heard coming from above either.

Flipping the switch, he blinked momentarily as his eyes adjusted to the flood of light that lit the living room. Barely three steps in, he heard Casey's voice behind him.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"I came in quite some time ago," Chuck said, as he sat down on the couch. "Where are the rest?"

"Walker's at Castle. She's been trying to call you. Didn't you get her message?"

"No,' he frowned. "Phone must be set on vibrate. Why? Anything wrong?"

Casey didn't reply as he walked over to the kitchen, and rummaged the fridge. Pulling out a carton of orange juice, he drank straight from it, inviting an indignant protest from Chuck.

"Casey!"

"What? It's finished," he tossed the empty container away, crossed the room, and sat on the opposite couch.

"It's mine."

"Well it's gone. And you have to pack up. You're going to the Cayman Islands… with Blondie."

"I thought I was going with you. And why so soon? That wasn't what we planned."

He smirked. "Turns out our shady banker is flying in with a friend. Tonight."

"And?"

"Marko Gomez. Recognize him?" Casey showed a picture of said man from his cellphone. Chuck shook his head. "Well, Carina and I had a brief but very bruising encounter with him in Prague. Used to be a double agent and now he's apparently just a bodyguard shadowing our man wherever he goes. We can't have him meeting me, can we? Come on, Chuck. It's a simple enough op." He sank in his seat. "Besides, I thought you'd be pleased. Oh wait a minute, the situation is different now. You got the hots for a different C.I.A. skirt." When Chuck shifted uncomfortably, Casey said, "What- is that supposed to be some big secret? You might not do or say anything in front of us, but the way you looked at her is a dead giveaway."

"I don't have the hots for her alright."

"You just wanna get in her pants."

"Don't talk about her that way."

A strange expression replaced the big man's smirk. Regarding the nerd's words as he propped both feet up on the coffee table, Casey said, "That's the least of it you know. Are you going to flare-up every time someone says something negative about her? It comes with her reputation, Bartowski."

"Yeah, but I don't have to hear it coming from you," he said, getting up.

"You really do like her, don't you?" Casey shook his head. "And here I thought it's some geek's infatuation. Quit it. You're just wasting your time.

"It's my time to waste," Chuck looked at Casey with a quiet resolved. "Does Carina know I'm leaving?"

"Even if she does, it's not like she cares. She's out on a date with some guy."

His eyes lifted to the ceiling with a sigh. "It's Marc, isn't it?"

"How did- Where the hell are you going?" he hollered.

For too long he had put everyone else before him; placed their needs, their feelings first. So for once, Chuck didn't allow his head to rule him. Didn't leave any room for introspection. He hastened to his room, grabbed his jacket, cellphone, and his car keys, and he walked over to the front door.

"Moron! Your flight's leaving in two-" Casey didn't even get to finish his words; the sound of the door slamming cutting him off.

The downpour had slowed to a light drizzle when he entered the building. Lush music vibrated around the walls of Burbank's popular nightclub. As he made his way in, crossing the packed dance floor, she stood out almost immediately to him. Sitting at small round table with her companion, Chuck could easily recognize her even with both their back towards him. There was only a moment's contemplation on his part but as soon as Carina's date leaned in close to whisper something in ear – what looked to Chuck like an intimate gesture - jealousy won over reason.

With a purposeful stride, he went over to where Carina sat, took a deep breath, and said, "Carina-"

"Who's the cutie?"

Chuck's head whipped towards Carina's date, his eyes widening. "You're not Marc."

"Why would he be Marc?" Carina asked in an accusatory tone.

"I'll be whoever you want me to be, darling," the man replied smoothly, saving Chuck from a potentially embarrassing situation.

"Don't mind him, Chuck. He's gay."

Chuck gaped at the impeccably dressed man. "You're gay?"

"Gay and proud of it," he said, in his clipped English accent.

He stared at the man again, noticing his perfectly coiffed hair; his dark brown hair merely accentuating his emerald green eyes. The strong cheekbones, pillowy lips, and his shaped eyebrows completed his model good looks. _He is one very pretty man, _Chuck thought. _And he's gay. _Chuck couldn't help the relieved laughter that followed as he gave the stranger a bear hug.

"Chuck?" Carina spoke, this time in confusion.

"Frisky little tiger," the man said. "Normally I'd introduce myself first but since we're already getting physical, let's skip pleasantries and head up to my place."

_And he's like a male Carina, _Chuck observed, as he took a tiny step back.

"Back off, Julian," Carina said.

"What? I saw him first," Julian winked at Chuck, pulling a chair for Chuck to sit on. "I call dibs on him."

"No you don't. He's not gay."

"He could be," Julian directed a sweet smile at Chuck, who was getting a little uncomfortable by the blonde's appraisal of him. "Aren't you, darling?"

"Don't encourage him, Chuck. His ego doesn't need any more inflating."

"Actually," Chuck interjected awkwardly while he sat between them, "he's really pretty."

"Oof," Julian pressed a hand dramatically to his own chest, "a man after my heart. Hear that, Carina?"

"Go ahead and date him then," Carina turned away from Chuck, who quickly backpedalled. "But Carina's definitely way more gorgeous."

"Hey," Julian protested. "I'm letting this one slide because she's my dearest friend."

Smiling apologetically, he extended a hand to Julian. "I'm Chuck. Nice to meet you."

Julian took his hand. "Julian. My offer still stands by the way."

"Julian…"

"Oh don't get your knickers in a twist." He directed his attention to Chuck. "Is your girlfriend always this possessive?"

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Not yet," Chuck muttered avoiding the murderous glare from Carina.

"Bloody fascinating," Julian said slyly. "By the way, Chuck, since she's unavailable… I am."

"I can see why you're friends."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Carina asked.

"Err… means that you're both… ermm… well you're not reserved. A quality I find very endearing in-"

"In a man?" Julian asked hopefully.

"In Carina," Chuck said, looking at her.

"I see," Julian tapped his finger on chin. "Not women in general. Not even a specific type, but her- just the one. Boy you are impossibly direct. And you called us forward?" Julian stole a glance at Carina, smirking at her attempt to appear indifferent. "Ugh, I don't know what you see in her. Aside from the fact that she's incredibly gorgeous, has exquisite blue eyes, a to-die for body, immaculate fashion sense… really there's nothing else going for her."

Chuck began to chuckle but stopped instantly at Carina's look.

"So," Carina said, "other than to annoy me, why are you here?"

Julian cast a cheeky smile Chuck's way, observing his sudden unease. "He's here to crash our date, aren't you cutie-pie?"

The reddish tinge that crept its way up Chuck's cheeks confirmed what Julian had surmised.

"Because you think I was on a date with Marc?"

"It's not my fault. Julian's hair looked like Marc's from the back."

"Why would you think I'd ever go out with him? I told you he's nobody."

"How would I know that? You don't tell me anything now, do you?"

"Obviously I did. But you don't trust me."

"Well do you?"

"About what?" she asked, the cool façade finally cracking as her calm voice climbed up a notch.

"That it's over," Chuck burst out, his admission stunning them both into silence. He didn't need to elaborate. Judging by the look in her eyes, they both knew what he was referring to.

Julian leaned back comfortably in his seat; his eyes sparkling with mirth as he watched their intense exchange. _Carina has a lot of explaining to do, _he thought. "How passionately hot," Julian remarked. "All this unresolved sexual tension. But you're right… I believe that you both are not dating."

That seemed to snap her out of her daze. Directing her attention for a minute on the dance floor, she took a sip of her drink before she talked about needing some air and she rose from her seat, and walked away from their table.

"See you around," Chuck said to a pleased-looking Julian, and he quickly caught up to her, as they squeezed their way through the crowds.

"You've never spoken about him before. How did you meet him?" Chuck asked, attempting to steer the topic away from the tense situation as they reached the bottom of the stairs that lead up to the exit.

"Julian's the younger brother of someone I used to work with. Short story – we bonded."

Chuck took it in while they ascended the steps. "Long story?"

She didn't answer. _As always._

The rain had ceased and the cool air as they stepped outside the establishment was a much welcome reprieve. Away from the pounding music, Chuck found it easier to think. His nerves less of a jumbled mess unlike moments ago. They continued walking without speaking, moving away from the queue that formed outside the club. Turning a corner and entering an alley, they took a few more steps in before Carina stopped, and stared at him. "Why are you really here, Chuck?"

"I'm going off to the Cayman Islands with Sarah in about two hours."

"So?" With nothing else forthcoming, her eyes narrowed. "That's all you wanted to tell me?"

"Actually no," he sighed, suddenly feeling frustrated. "I don't know exactly why I came here. I just heard from Casey that you were out on a date and I just-"

She scoffed in incredulity, leaning her shoulder against a section of the wall of the building that jutted out. "So you got jealous… of _Julian_?"

"That was before I found out that he was gay. And at least I admit I'm jealous."

"Excuse me?"

Chuck took a step forward, putting him within touching distance of Carina. Though she didn't budge from her spot, her posture remained defensive. He didn't care. He had her where he wanted her to be; trapped between a wall and his body. "How long are you going to keep doing this? Shutting me out. Pretending like there's nothing between us."

"Who's pretending?" Disbelief displayed on her expression. "And do you really think now is a good time to be talking about this? Don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

"There never seemed to be a good time anyway. Either you avoided me, or you simply refused to listen to what I have to say. So now is as good a time as any; limited as it may be." He opened his mouth to speak again but the persistent buzzing from his cellphone distracted his train of thoughts. Reluctantly pulling the device out from his pocket, the change in his expression told her exactly who was on the other line.

Carina smiled tightly, "Answer that, Chuck. Now is as good a time as any." Pushing him aside, she tried to move past him but she was held in place by his arm locking around her waist. She held back a protest, seeing Chuck with the phone pressed to his ear.

_Let go, _she mouthed to him.

"Hey, Sarah," he spoke into the phone, shaking his head silently at Carina; his eyes pleading for her to understand. "Yeah, Casey told me… uhuh…" he continued, never tearing his eyes away from Carina. "… no, I understand… will be back soon… bye."

Chuck slipped his cellphone back in and wrapped the other arm around her before she could leave.

"Yeah, Chuck," she said flatly, rolling her eyes. "How can I possibly extract myself from your strong grip now."

He didn't know what it was that amused him. Maybe it was her words. Or the way she'd said them. Or maybe it was the need to diffuse the tension; but he started chuckling, thus provoking her annoyance.

"And now he laughs. Great." But it was too late. The amusement had filtered through her eyes despite her irritation. As his laughter died down, he gazed at her, just a moment longer, stretching whatever remaining seconds left before he loosened his hold.

"I have to go," he exhaled reluctantly.

"So go," she said, her voice straining a little.

He wanted to say more. So much that needed explaining.

Instead he slowly released her. "I think someone's spying on us."

"Yup," she said. "A lousy one at that."

A light chuckle emanated from his throat. Then he let out a deflated sigh. "I really have to go."

"You said that already."

"I know," he said, running weary fingers through his hair. "It's really over, Carina. You have to know that."

"Chuck, just go. Don't make Sarah wait too long for you."

Not knowing exactly what she meant by that, he nodded grimly. "Two days. Three days top," his conflicted eyes holding hers a second longer before he left quietly, his head filled with more questions than answers.

"Who's Sarah?" Carina heard Julian's voice behind her moments after Chuck was out of sight.

"Done with your stalking?" she sauntered off without waiting for him, her pace unhurried.

"I wasn't stalking," Julian matched her stride for stride. "I was just worried about my best friend."

"Please, Chuck wouldn't even hurt a fly if he had a choice."

"If he's so harmless, then why are keeping him at arm's length? Clearly you fancy the bloke." He jerked his thumb towards the entrance of the club they'd just passed. "Aren't we going back in?"

"And listen to more of your ridiculous nonsense?"

"Darling," he clucked his tongue, "nonsense by definition is something that doesn't make any sense. Of course it's ridiculous."

"Julian…"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up and just walk."

His silence only lasted exactly one minute. "Are we talking about that pretty blonde who was at my Marisa's wake? Your _other _best friend these days?"

"You just can't shut it, can you?"

"Asking me a question you already know the answer to is obviously pointless. So, is it?"

His question was met with a wall of silence. And that was enough of an answer for him.

"Are they dating?"

"No."

"Engaged?"

"Nope."

"_Married_?"

"No."

"So?" he looked at her in confusion. "What's the problem?"

"Who said that there was one?"

"_You_ are acting really strange." He chewed on his bottom lips thoughtfully and suddenly gasped. "You have genuine feelings for him."

"Again," she drawled, "nonsense."

But Julian would have none of that. Her attempts at indifference could have fooled many. Not Julian. He had known her long enough to pick on her tell-tale signs. "Three times I've flown here, on _business_ class I might add, and you didn't tell me anything about it?"

"Are you trying to show off your wealth?"

"Of course, darling. Although it's nothing compared to yours. My bad," he quickly moved to placate her upon seeing that familiar resentment materializing across her features. "I can't believe you're keeping secrets from me."

"I've always kept secrets from you."

"About your job," he retorted. "Not about the men you've been with. The way I see it, you like him. He likes you. I don't see why you're not together already. Aren't you people a little too old to play the 'will you, won't you' game? This is not some television show you know."

"The what game?"

"Oh forget it. He's right by the way." He ignored the annoyed glance she gave him and continued, "You have some serious trust issues."

"In case you haven't noticed, it comes with the job."

"That's a lot of poppycock. You don't get to try that with me. It's not just about the job and you know it."

Looking away, Carina let her gaze drift absently as she seek an excuse to not say anything, waiting for him to fill in the silence. But unlike Chuck, who would let her get away with her usual evasion, Julian had never afforded her with that luxury. And unlike Chuck, she knew that Julian would hound her for a satisfactory answer until he got one.

"It's easier to live this way," she said finally with a slight shrug of her shoulder. "To not get attached to anyone. Not have any expectation. Spares you from having to deal with people."

"Don't you mean spare you from disappointment?" he paused. "Such a lonely existence you've got there."

"People don't live that long in my line of work. Just look at Marisa-" she darted her eyes towards Julian, immediately regretting her thoughtlessness when she saw the cloud of hurt behind his eyes. And just like Carina had always done on so many occasion, she watched as he draped the emotion and replaced it with a vacant stare.

"You want to use her death as an excuse?"

"Julian…"

He regarded her with contemplative gaze, seeing the pained look in her eyes. Sliding an arm under hers, he muttered, "Come on, darling, you're coming to my hotel room and you're gonna tell me all."

"You know I'm not gonna tell you anything."

"And you know I'm doggedly persistent. So now you shut it and come with me," he said, turning her around, and dragged her towards his car.

In spite of her objections, she let herself be coaxed by him; too tired to make for the other direction. Maybe it was what she needed. Time away from their house. It might take her mind off their mission for a while.

It might even allow her to forget about all the possibilities of the next three days.


	12. Chapter 12

_Watching Euros 2012 later so decided to post this before the 'England vs France' match. Anyone watching? No? For a girl watching football (or soccer), people know that we're watching it not just for their skills but the parade of cuties as well ;) Xabi Alonso, however, has got to be my all time fav footballer. Tall, cute, and a bag of talent. What's not to crush on. Puddles. And since I'm in a good mood, here's an extra long chapter for the extra long wait. Have fun reading. Hopefully.  
_

_Disclaimer: Chuck's not mine._

* * *

She hadn't slept at home for six days. Aside from meeting her daily at the office, the only time she came back was three days ago to pick up her clothing. All she told him was, she was staying with a friend and to call if something comes up.

Standing near the entrance of the hotel bar, he watched her impassively. Cocking his head to one side, he looked on as she spurned the advances of another suitor with a wave of her hand. Saw as her lips move, delivering (what he was sure) a crushing blow to yet another hopeful individual's attempt at striking up a conversation. _Or more_.

_The poor bastard_, he snorted. However, upon seeing her throw back another shot of her drink, he immediately frowned before making his way across the room to where she sat. Not bothering with pleasantries, he pulled up a stool, settled down, and ordered a Scotch. And he waited.

If she was surprised, she hardly displayed it. Aside from a quick glance to her left, she didn't acknowledged his presence further as she asked for her glass to be refilled.

"Someone's picky today," he said after a while. "Three morons came, they saw, they tried and they left with nothing more than broken hearts. Why, Miller… didn't they fit your criteria?"

For a moment, Carina didn't even react to his mockery. Ignoring him completely, she tossed back another shot before motioning for the bartender to fill her empty glass.

Casey regarded her silence. He knew he was right. Despite her denials, he knew what he was seeing; classic jealousy. And something else.

"I didn't know vodka was your poison."

"And I didn't know stalking was yours."

"On any other day, they might have been lucky, wouldn't they?" he continued to press, ignoring her sarcasm.

"Are you really that bored, John? No more guns to play with, so you drove out here just to bother me?"

He smirked, noticing the slight edge of exasperation in her otherwise calm demeanour. So he was right.

"I thought you weren't bothered."

"Yeah. Your presence is always a soothing balm to my soul."

"That wasn't what I meant."

She swiveled in her seat, looking at him coolly.

"I thought you weren't bothered that your geek of a boyfriend-"

"He's not my boyfriend. I don't do relationship," she bristled. As if the flash of emotion had been more than what she was willing to let on, her expression immediately turned stoic. Turning away from the Colonel, her hand swiped for her glass. But before she could bring it to her lips, Casey held her wrist, prying the drink away from her fingers.

"I don't want to have to take care of a drunk partner."

She threw an icy stare. "Do I look like I need a babysitter?"

"No but I don't want to have to explain to your boyfriend how his girlfriend went missing while he was out on a mission." He took a pull of his Scotch and added, "Oh yeah, I forgot to add, out on a mission with his blonde ex-girlfriend."

"You're really getting a kick out of this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing, huh, John?"

"It's more like, I get a kick out of watching the emotionally-damaged, agent Miller, get all flustered as she navigated this thing called jealousy. "Why, Carina, scared Bartowski's gonna dipped his chocolate in Walker's peanut butter? Or is it the other way around?"

Casey watched as her eyes hardened before her expression took on a sly look. "I say, Colonel… I believe it's you who's jealous that my handcuffs no longer for you."

"Ahh, so the handcuffs only for the boy? Admitting to your attraction to the geek already, huh? Pfft, C.I.A. and their lady feelings." He said, clearly enjoying tugging Carina's pigtails. If riling her up like this was what it would take to get her to admit her feelings, then John Casey was willing to do it all night.

"Not admitting to anything Johnny. He and I are just partners but of course what happens between the sheets isn't really any of your concern now is it?"

"So you have corrupted the boy as well."

"Missing the good old days, John? I have my handcuffs with me right now and a room with a view upstairs. So what say you?" She leaned in and pressed her palm on his thigh.

_Damn. This is going to be harder than he thought._ He wondered why he decided to succumb to the nerd's plea to try and get Carina to talk. Okay. While Chuck didn't exactly ask him to do specifically that – Chuck just wanted Casey to keep an eye on her while he was gone especially if they have a side mission – Casey thought that he could get her to come to terms with her feelings and spare them (and by them he meant himself) the trouble of watching Chuck make moony eyes at the redhead. Plus, he was having fun pushing her buttons. Until now. _Focus, John._

_Glocks. Bonsai tree. Ronald Reagan._

"I got tricked twice already. I don't need another reminder." He quickly pushed her hand away.

"Aw, John. Not looking for some action?"

"No thanks, Agent Miller. Besides, I don't mess with a friend's significant other, even if it's only to be tied to the bed."

"So what makes you think I'd do the same to my best friend?"

_So that's what it's all about_. _Well part of it at least_. "They're not together are they?"

"Doesn't make any difference." Carina looked away.

They didn't speak for a few minutes. As he looked around him, Casey saw one of the rejected suitors casting furtive glances his way. Scowling, he stared hard at the man in the three-piece suit until he slunk away, never to be seen again for the rest of the night.

"Idiot", he muttered.

"What's that?" she snapped.

"Wha-" His head jerked back to Carina. _Oh. Well, what the hell, _he thought. She was being an idiot anyway. "You. Are. An idiot."

"Yeah let's add that to the already long list why don't we." She let out a bitter sounding laughter. "Promiscuous, sex siren, a whore, slut, easy, and on top of everything else, why don't we add idiot as well. One more wouldn't hurt my already _great_ reputation." She held up both hands.

Casey wondered where all these frustrations were coming from. Was it the alcohol talking? Or had she always resented those labels? Or was her close proximity to Bartowski these past few years, the reason that those tags now seemed ill-fitting for her? But when he was reminded of how nothing (except the handcuffing) had actually happened between them those two times, he began to have doubts of his own.

With those questions weighing on his mind, it took the Colonel a while before he responded to her. _Proceed with caution. _"The only reason why the reputation sticks is because you're doing nothing to quash those rumours. You wear it like a damn badge of honour." _Or not._

"Yeah, John," her lips twisted in a sarcastic smile. "These knockers," she waved her hand in front of her breasts, "just scream to men: Come get them."

"Maybe if you just didn't encourage them-"

"What does it matter to you anyway?"

"It matters to Chuck. Do you think a man likes to hear all those things that are being said about a woman he likes?"

She shifted in her seat, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "He's just mistaking gratitude for something else. He'll come to terms with it eventually."

Casey opened his mouth to respond but he stopped when his cellphone vibrated. Reaching inside his pocket, he slid it out, took a look at the message before slipping it back inside. "What a load of crap, Carina."

He heard her sigh, her fingertip tracing around the rim of her glass.

"I'm just saying you're an idiot for not going after what you want when the geek's already doing a crappy job hiding his lady feelings for you. It was bad enough when he was making googly eyes at Walker. Now it's even worse when it's with you."

"I'm not interested in a relationship." She'd probably said that so many times. It hardly sounded convincing to his ears.

"But you did. Once." Seeing her hard glare, he continued, "He's my junior. People talk."

"Yeah. Apparently he talks the loudest. And speaking of, that's not any of your business is it?"

"No, it's not. Does Bartowski know?"

"Not his concern either."

He wondered what changed. Was it ambition? Self-preservation?

"He looks like a decent enough guy," Casey shrugged.

She let out a harsh sounding laughter. "_Decent_? You wanna know what I learned from the experience? It's that trust is a luxury, words can be poison, and looks are always deceiving," she paused, her eyes holding that faraway gaze. It lasted but a moment as she blinked back the fog, the steely quality back in place. "One death is more than enough."

He didn't understand what she meant. But he didn't ask either. It looked far too personal a subject he knew he shouldn't broach. Although he wasn't going to let the matter rest either. "So you're gonna continue on this downward spiral? All three of you hurting, trying to avoid what's so glaringly obvious."

"Can't believe I'm hearing this all over again," he heard her muttered. "He'll be fine," she said. "Sarah and I are both fine."

"Even you don't believe that. And please, your friendship with Sarah's fine? Yeah," he scoffed, "on the surface it is. You ladies are just circling the issue and you can both fool Chuck but not me. It's just simmering all these while, just beneath, but you can't avoid it forever. Sooner or later the lid's gonna blow and there's nothing you can do to stop that."

"We're close to the end, John. We'll soon go our own separate ways."

"That's it, isn't it? You're just a scared little girl. Afraid of a relationship. And here I thought nothing scares you."

"I don't do relationship."

"It doesn't have to be a relationship is it? Just get it on with him already and save me from his barf inducing moments. Seriously, a man's gotta eat and keep his food down."

"Because that's all I'm ever good at, right? A good roll in the hay."

"I never said that."

"It was implied."

"Then why don't you just admit to the truth. That you care about him. That you want him. Sometimes a person has to think about their own needs first, Miller. Selfishness is needed where matters of the heart is concerned."

She smiled thinly. "I never thought you'd root for me."

Looking indignant, "I never said that," Casey said. "I still think Walker is better for him. She has always wanted that life whereas you- you're unpredictable. But Walker and the geek have too much bad history and they've got too much hurt between them. Besides, only a blind idiot refuses to see, that clearly, his heart's not with that C.I.A. skirt anymore." He was becoming more agitated himself as he took another long pull of his Scotch. "Seriously, what do you ladies see in the geek anyway?"

Her voice was distant once again when she spoke, "I never knew what it was like to have someone care for you. Really care." As if catching herself, she shrugged, "Colonel John Casey," she shook her head, "giving me relationship advice. The world must be coming to an end."

"Do you want to be alone forever?"

"I've survived just fine all these while, John. Forever for an agent doesn't seem like a very long time."

"Suit yourself. But do him and yourself a favour okay? Bartowski had already gone through so many doomed relationships. So when he comes, and if you still don't want to be with him, just say it like it is."

Her head snapped towards him. "What? When he comes?" She looked over her shoulder, eyes scanning the room until she saw him. Chuck. Striding briskly to where she sat.

"You called him?" Carina cried, already getting up. The sudden motion however made her dizzy. Losing her balance slightly, she swayed to her left, falling right into Chuck's waiting arms.

"No," Casey said. "He called me." Slapping the dollar bills on the counter, Casey muttered to Chuck. "All yours," and he walked off.

Concern etched across Chuck's face as he supported her by the shoulders. "Let's get you home."

"I'm fine. You go home, Chuck." Saying that, she pushed herself away from his hold, and stalked off.

Carina kept on walking despite his repeated attempts for her to talk to him. She just looked straight ahead even when he was walking right beside her.

Reaching the hotel lobby, she spun around, facing him. "I said I'm fine, Chuck. Just leave me alone." It must have come out louder than she intended because her voice attracted the attention of curious onlookers. She ignored them.

So did Chuck. He was unfazed. In fact, when the elevator door opened and he followed Carina inside, he stopped some guests from entering asking them politely if he could take the ride alone with his girlfriend. They obviously agreed. Once the door close, she waited for him to begin.

He didn't. Which of course, made Carina more furious.

"What- cat got your tongue now?"

For a brief moment, he merely regarded her; his kind eyes filled with worry.

Which made it even worse for Carina.

There was no reason to be mad. She wasn't entitled to. Because he wasn't hers in the first place. She took great pains to make sure she told him that every chance she got. She didn't want a relationship. Didn't want what she knew he wanted. What she knew he was looking for. So then why, after acknowledging all those facts was she now saddled with the burden of these irrational emotions? Why was she so bothered that they went off on a mission? Together. For six whole days instead of three. On the Cayman freaking Islands. Sure it wasn't his fault that the mission got delayed but- but what? What the hell was wrong with her? Why was it fueling her illogical possessiveness? Was this what Julian was talking about? That somewhere, down the road, there comes a time when she will be forced to deal. That in order to proceed, to move forward, someone was going to be left behind.

And for the first time in a long time, she felt old wounds reopening. But as quickly as it rose, she stamped on it. It was beyond ridiculous.

But then again, Carina must have been beyond caring. The couple of shots she had, kind of made sure of that.

She looked out at the city dropping beneath her as the glass elevator climbed higher and higher. For a second, Carina even entertained the idea of them being characters from one of Roald Dahl's storybooks, wishing that the ride wouldn't stop it's ascend. Wishing for it to crash through the roof and fly them into orbit so she didn't have to deal with the here and now.

It was a favourite of hers when she was a young girl. A book that provided her with a source of an escape. An escape from the monotony of life. A life filled with all the wants in the world but none of the warmth.

The elevator came to a standstill as an automated voice indicated her floor, and the door slid opened. _So much for 'Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator'_, Carina thought as she made her exit. She must have been more inebriated than she would like to admit.

She made her way down the narrow corridor, fumbling for her key card in her purse. She didn't want to care about the man walking behind her. Didn't want to have to deal with him. Or at least she was trying very hard not to.

It was proving to be quite unsuccessful.

As she stopped in front of room _1618, _Carina felt Chuck's hand wrapping around her arms. And she reacted instinctively.

She hadn't meant it. Carina certainly didn't mean to hurt him. Didn't mean to hit him in the face. Blame it on her spy training. Or the vodka. But when he touched her, she'd wrenched her hand away, swung it around, and the back of her hand smacked across his cheek.

The effect on her was instant. She sobered up pretty quickly; hand flying to her mouth, feeling dreadfully guilty.

Stunned into silence, Chuck could only stare dumbly back at her. The seconds crawled as both stood staring at one another.

"That…" Chuck began, as if searching for the words – the right words to say in such a situation. He rubbed his cheekbone with his thumb. "I might need surgery for that."

She opened her mouth to speak but then thought better of it. Inserting her card, she pressed the handle down, and opened the door to her hotel room. But instead of closing it, she hovered by the door for a moment, back towards him. She was so tired of this. Tired of this dance between them. Why did it have to be so complicated? Was any of this worth the sleepless night and the troubling days that she'd been suffering? She didn't know a relationship could be so damn difficult. And she hadn't even entered into one.

Carina shook her head. It wasn't worth it. He needed to go.

She took a deep breath. "I'm saying this for the last time, Chuck, go home. Just… leave me alone." It was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to say.

But why was there a curious pounding ache in her heart? _Too much alcohol?_ she thought. Running her fingers through her hair, she steeled herself for the sound of the door closing behind her.

It did a few moments later. She sighed. And the ache burrowed just a little deeper.

Carina was about to drag herself towards the bed when she heard the beeping sound of the door locking behind her. She closed her eyes. And she slowly turned to face her unwanted guest.

"No," he said. "I won't go home." Chuck advanced towards her until they were standing toe to toe in the middle of her room. "And I'm not leaving you alone. Not today. And if I have my way, not ever."

Pursing her lips, she turned away from him.

There was nothing left for her to say.

XXX

He gazed at her in contemplative silence as she lay on the bed before covering the short distance from the dresser to her bed. Sitting at the edge, Chuck reached for her shoes; removing them one at a time while Carina watched him wordlessly.

"It's not good to sleep with your shoes on," he said quietly, his back still towards her. Chuck held on to her legs gently when she tried to move them away from his grasp.

"Always running away," he mused.

"And what about you? Always crashing in on my party. Injecting yourself where you're not needed. Refusing to go even when I told you to."

Turning around, he scooted closer, placing his hand on her hip. "You don't need me?" he asked.

She averted her eyes under his prying gaze. "Go home," she said tiredly. "I'm not drunk, Chuck."

"Didn't say you were. I know you can hold your alcohol pretty well." He exhaled. "It's just that you rarely drink."

"Why don't you just leave?"

"Can't do that. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I leave my girlfriend all alone here?"

"You're delusional."

"Since I'm delusional, then there's nothing wrong with me thinking that I'm your boyfriend."

"You do know that there are so many different ways I can kill you right now."

"Do you also know that there are many different ways I can kiss you?"

"Jerk."

"That I am."

"Ass."

"I do have one. Aha!" he pointed at her. "You smiled."

"Did not." _She did._

"Did too." _Most definitely_.

Looking properly irritated, she turned on her side, her back towards him. "I'm going to stay here for the night. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

She felt him rise from the bed and a second later, his light footfalls as he left her side. _Well, he finally listens_, she thought. But if she were to be completely honest with herself, she could almost admit to feeling a sliver of disappointment at his departure. Almost. Because her pride prevented her from stopping him. Pride and guilt.

Torn between the two emotions, she stared off into space and failed to hear his footsteps approaching. She startled when Chuck suddenly appeared in her view.

Faint smile on his lips, he got on the bed and lay down facing her, tucking his palm between the pillow and his cheek. "Do you really think you can get rid of me that easily?"

"I thought it was too easy," she rolled her eyes. "Still doesn't mean you can stay here," she said, though she didn't make any attempt to get him to leave either.

"It's raining outside," he jerked his thumb at the window behind him. "Do you really want your boyfriend to go home in that condition?"

"You're not my boyfriend, Chuck."

"I'm not Sarah's boyfriend either," he said. "So why do you keep insisting that I am?"

"Why are you here, Chuck?"

"I told you. It's raining."

"No, why are you _still_ here?"

"You know why. You know exactly why I'm still here. I thought we've been through this."

"We have. Obviously you weren't listening."

"And obviously you weren't either."

"A man needs to learn when to take no for an answer."

Chuck sighed, regarding her words. Without breaking eye contact, he took her hand in his and pressed her palm to his chest. "I know when to back off when I'm not needed but the problem is… how do I walk away when you don't mean what you say?"

Her eyes lowered in deference all on their own; the truth in his words stirring the very part of her emotion that she had stubbornly refused to acknowledge. But even as she felt her resolve ebbing away, she still held on to the last vestiges of her control, knowing that if it crumbles then she would have nothing left to cling on to. And she knew where that would lead. Knew very well how the night would unfold. How she could no longer take it back like she did with the kiss.

But what frightened her more was not what she couldn't take back; but it was the knowledge that when the night was over, it would be near impossible to let go.

So once again, she found herself repeating words that she'd spoken to him so many times. Words that rang hollow the more she'd said them. "I don't do relationship, Chuck."

"Then let's not do it," Chuck said and her eyes lifted to meet his. "I just want to be with you. Spend my days and my nights only with you." His voice softer now, "Can't I do that?"

There was so much sincerity in his voice. It reflected in his eyes and in his touch. His gaze so open, so honest, like he was baring every ounce of his emotion for her to see. And the more her gaze locked on his, the harder it was to tear herself away from him. What was it about him that affected her like this; she just didn't know. Probably, she would never be able to find the answer.

And perhaps, the answer wouldn't matter at all.

Slipping her hand away from his grasp, she reached hesitantly for his cheek. It hadn't left a mark but the guilt still remained. "Why didn't you duck?"

"I guess I chickened out," he said with a straight face.

She knew she shouldn't. Yet she couldn't help it. A chuckle escaped at his ridiculous riposte although it didn't last long.

"Does it hurt?" she asked quietly.

He gave a teasing smile, his arm draped loosely around her waist. "Not as much as the thought of leaving you all alone with Casey. He's kind of handsome… all that gruffness, grunting." And he added as an afterthought, "Luckily he has ugly hands. Wouldn't want him to touch you with those hands."

And she realized at that moment why he was different. Why he had been so special to her. Because he wouldn't let her dwell too long on her guilt. Couldn't stand to see her sad. And because he didn't judge.

And mostly because he made her smile.

She chuckled lightly. "Are you saying you have pretty ones?"

"Well look." He lifted his hand in front of her. "My fingers sure are long and pretty."

"Let me see." Reaching for it, Carina made a show of inspecting each and every finger. "So… are you saying that only those with pretty fingers are allowed to touch me?"

He made a disgusted face. "Like I'm gonna let them," he muttered, his hand back on her waist.

Her blue eyes fixed on a spot beneath his cheekbone and with an uncommonly subdued expression, she asked, "Are you trying to claim ownership on me?"

With an almost imperceptible shake of his head, he said, "I don't want to. And even if I did, I could never own you. No one could." When she raised a questioning look at him, he explained, "You are your own person, Carina. No one can tell you what to do. The decisions you make are yours. But it doesn't mean that you have to do it alone and," he paused, "every choice that you make, I'll be standing there right beside you. If you'll have me."

Perhaps his words had a strange effect on her. Or denying was wearing her down. Because for once, she didn't think when she leaned and kissed him on his cheek; letting her lips linger longer than it should before she pulled back.

He smiled, a touch surprised. "What was that for?"

"I guess it doesn't hurt anymore if you're asking?"

A tender smile blossomed on his lips when he grasped her meaning. "But what are you going to do?" his voice dropped to a whisper, bringing his face closer. "That's not where it hurts." He swooped in without warning, his lips pressing softly against hers. She inhaled sharply at his sudden move before relaxing into the kiss. But he didn't let it go far.

A sense of calming silence descended upon them when he pulled back. She tried hard not to stare at those lips. Even the roar of the thunder and of the rain pounding against the window couldn't drown out the sound of her heart beating in her ears.

"I don't want to go home tonight," his voice quiet but holding so much hope.

She knew she needed to keep on protesting. She understood the implication. _You need to go home, Chuck. You can't stay here._ That was what she should say. But having a mind of its own, her lips refused to obey and her body treacherously yearned for him. More tonight than ever before. And so she heard herself saying, "I don't want you to either."

When tomorrow comes, she might be regretting this decision of hers. But at that moment, she couldn't deny herself. Couldn't make herself care. At that moment in time, wrapped in his blanket of warmth and safety, all she ever wanted was him.

He pulled her closer, his lips claiming hers in the barest hint of a caress; a kiss that shot tingles through her body, and it left her desperate for more. But she could feel his hesitancy, as if he was so afraid of hurting her. As if his lips were silently asking what his voice couldn't. Asking for her permission. Asking if this was alright. Carina responded with the only way she knew how. She parted her lips, deepening the kiss. And Chuck need not doubt any longer.

So when his kiss grew more demanding, their lips connecting in an almost desperate but strangely tender exploration of one another, his tongue dancing, teasing, tempting in its exploration, his gentle and assured hands worshiping every inch of her, Carina could feel the last of her defenses crumbling. And when he murmured her name, his lips leaving a trail of soft, sensual kisses along her jaw and her neck, all she could do was hold onto him. Succumbing at last in his arms, she was stripped bare of the walls she'd so carefully built around her very heart. All she felt was a soothing sense of completeness. And when late into the night, as they lay in each others embrace, and Chuck reverently pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, and planted another on her bare shoulder; she just held on a little tighter, nuzzled her head a little deeper in the crook of his neck.

For tomorrow the guilt might rear its ugly head. The fortress that had thus far protected her, might be raise once again to prevent something akin to heartbreak. But tonight, all she wanted was to lie in this safe cocoon, shielded from the harsh reality that awaits her at the light of day. Tonight, Carina Miller just wanted to be.

No pretense. No more mask. Just Chuck and Carina.

XXX

_I have an early meeting with Beckman – the one that I told you about yesterday. I couldn't bear to wake you up seeing how you were sleeping so soundly. I ordered breakfast and no - no Lucky Charms for you. From now on, I'll be your 'lucky charm' from here on end. I know, you got yourself a keeper here. I am quite the catch. Lest you roll your eyes, let me just say: too late. I can be irresistibly persistent. Well, I'll report to you as soon as I finish. Scout's honour._

_-C._

_P.S. The concierge on duty today is rather good-looking. And he has pretty hands. So don't you go smiling at him. It'll prevent me from getting jealous. Considerate aren't I?_

Still chuckling, Carina folded the note and saw the breakfast on the small round table. She let her head drop on the pillow and sighed in contentment. But as her eyes closed, she wondered if it was the wrong time for them. And once that thought started playing in her mind, a feeling not unlike guilt began to bury deep within her.

This was going to be more complicated than she thought.

* * *

_Nauseated yet? For those who've waited for this moment, I hope you're pleased. As for the rest... ;D Well thanks for reading._


	13. Chapter 13

_I just came back from my trip abroad and so my apologies for failing to reply to some of your PMs. I didn't have any internet connection. However, I did squeeze in some writing (pen and paper) during my vacation so hopefully this turns out well. Probably just one more chapter to go before we say goodbye to BM :) Thanks for reading._

_Disclaimer: Chuck's not mine._

* * *

She could feel a storm coming. Had felt it coming for some time now if she were to be completely honest with herself. It was just that - she thought it wouldn't be this soon. A part of her was even entertaining the thought of escaping the confrontation altogether. They were so close to the end. Just three more days away as they made their final preparations for the epic showdown.

Of course, it was wishful thinking on her part.

Because their relationship had been fraught with tension ever since what happened a week ago. And after their narrow escape last night, it was only a matter of time. To quote Casey, 'the lid is gonna blow'.

Watching the beads of perspiration formed on the blonde's forehead, the fiery glare in her sky-blue eyes, and her whole body poised for another attack, Carina could see that Casey had been right. Not that she was surprised. It was inevitable that Sarah could sense what transpired between Chuck and the red head even if they'd pretended as if nothing had happened whenever they were together with the team.

They'd kept their distance; an unspoken agreement made between the two of them. Behaving merely like partners during mission and nothing more than roommates at their house. They thought that they've given nothing away but Chuck had always been a person who'd worn his heart on his sleeve. Though he had been getting better at hiding his feelings ever since his days in D.C. – he wasn't Carina.

Carina might have handled it better than Chuck because a part of her was glad for the space. A room to sort out what this meant for them. For her. Having said that, as effortless as the act might seem for everyone watching, it didn't mean that she wasn't a conflicted mess. To look but not touch. To yearn and not being able to hold. Who would have thought that Carina Miller would one day be beset by such a predicament?

Carina Miller – the woman who would hit the road before her heart get tangled in a web of unwanted emotion. A woman who'd vowed to never let any man close. So that she'd never again have any reason to trust and be hurt. A person who'd rather leave before they abandon her. So that she'd never again have to wait. Nor ache for anyone.

What a mess those two men had left her in. But she was doing fine. At least she thought she had been. Going from mission to mission, meeting people fleetingly and not having to form a bond with anyone, and the only impression they had of her was the one that she was willing to give. It had suited her just fine. Until D.C.

Until Chuck. A man she'd more than once risked her life for. But a man who hadn't completely claimed her heart. Not yet. Not fully. It was what she had been telling herself.

In spite of her reservations, she doubt if she had the strength to let him go. Or to see him with another. But that didn't mean that she wanted to get into a fight with her best friend. And from the looks of it, neither did Sarah.

Of course, that particular sentiment held true – until about fifteen minutes ago.

Carina brushed away the blood from her lips with her thumb. And despite her best friend being better at hand to hand combat, looking at Sarah wiping the trickle of blood running down her nose made Carina smirked internally. Carina definitely gave as good as she got.

Circling the mat, both refused to be the first to make the next move. What started out as an innocent sparing match escalated into a full blown, no holds barred, tension spilling over, girl fight. Scathing words were exchanged. Blows were traded. Yet, neither one talked about what really mattered. What really was driving their aggression.

"You always put us at risk," Sarah said, her fists clenched. "Why couldn't you go with the plan? You should've told me about it. All of us could get hurt." She lunged forward, swinging her right arm at Carina. Carina ducked that easily, and instead of aiming for her exposed side, she pushed Sarah away, putting that space between them again.

"Did you really think I planned it?" Carina spat back. This time she threw a straight jab at Sarah, who managed to side-stepped it. "Did you think I'd knowingly put all of us at risk? Put the intersect in harm's way by blowing up the entire building? It was the only thing I could think of, given the situation. Besides, nobody got hurt." The next punch though caught Sarah off-guard and Sarah wasn't quick enough to evade the full blow as her fist collided with Sarah's shoulder.

Seeing Sarah rolled back her shoulder, Carina could almost feel a twinge of guilt settling in her chest. Until Sarah spoke again. "That's always it, isn't it? You never just do. You never think about the consequence of your own actions. " Sarah aimed a kick at Carina, catching her on the shin. They both backed off at the same time, wincing in pain.

What were they talking about exactly? Carina wondered. Were they still talking about the mission last night? Or was it about something entirely different? What was the point of this fight anyway? As they both rubbed their shins, Carina realized that in the end, they were both just hurting themselves.

And yet, they were dancing around the issue still – their stance defensive. A few seconds passed and they were standing at an impasse. Then, all of a sudden, they went at each other at the same time, no longer treading with calculated moves.

"Why don't you just quit it, Walker," Carina said in between blows. "Just say what you really wanted to say all along."

"You're just going to hurt him," Sarah growled in frustration, as she swung wildly at Carina.

"Hah, like you did? That's rich coming from you. The person who left him all broken and dejected at my doorstep? Leaving me with a shell of a man as my partner? Leaving me to pick up the pieces as I restored his confidence once again?"

Hurt and anger flashed in their eyes as their fight became more intense. "Restored his confidence?" Sarah seethed. "How- by screwing him? Making him your pet? Or do your bidding?"

"And that pisses you off, doesn't it? That I managed to screw him? Yeah, Walker. I did it. Went all the way with him and more. Well that's your lost, don't you think? You had three goddamn years to do something about your feelings for him but you were being such an icy bitch by shutting him out every time he tried. Please," Carina sneered, "professional integrity my ass. You were just scared and then at the first sign of trouble, of self-doubt, you up and left. You. Left," she stressed on the two words. "So don't take it out on me, now."

"And you're such a brave little red head when it comes to trusting men, aren't ya?" Sarah scoffed. "Because you've never pushed them away? The only reason those men had a shot with you was because they were safe choices. You'll never be in trouble of getting hurt. Like a revolving door, you sent them packing before they got close because had they known the real you – the _real _Carina Miller, then the real truth is out. All the confidence, the bravado is just an act to hide those Daddy issues and a rotten scumbag of a first love."

The betrayal, rage, and hurt lanced at her heart and Carina felt the sting behind her eyes as angry tears pooled in them. Tears that found their way in her friend's eyes as well.

They were hurting each other. Knowingly causing pain but they just couldn't stop. It was like releasing a floodgate of repressed feelings, of bottled-up anger – not just at one another but at the unfairness of the world. Their situation. At just about everything. And the only way they could stop this train wreck is through an intervention.

The last person they had on their mind was, of course, Mr Grumpypants himself.

"Ooh, girl fight," Casey sneered in delight, stopping them mid-punch. "I'm gonna take a picture." The flash from his cellphone hardly caused them to bat their eyelids; the death glare they were shooting at Casey hinted at a very painful death. Not that it intimidated the Colonel. He stood back, admiring the picture he'd just taken with a smirk.

"Get out!" they screamed. Casey snorted and he flipped the screen towards them. "Kinda ugly," he said pointing to their picture. "Don't you think? Makes me wonder why the geek ever took a liking to any one of you ladies. I'm gonna blow this up and show it to him." He shook his head, looking at them with a smug grin and left the training room.

They stared dumbfounded at the door. And turning slowly to face one another, the mixture of shame, guilt, and regret but most of all resignation, filtered through their eyes. Breaking apart, they sank onto the mat, lying side by side, shoulder to shoulder, panting from the exertion.

They didn't utter a word as their ragged breathing, and the rapid beating of their hearts eventually steadied to their normal rhythm. It was a foolish thing to do. Childish. Juvenile. They've fought before but not like this. They'd never hurt each other this badly by dragging their worst fears out in the open.

"About what I sai-"

"Me too," Carina interjected quickly.

But they were friends. The best of friends who knew each other since the beginning of their career. They didn't need to say their apologies. It was understood. It was implied. All was forgiven.

Sarah nodded and they lapsed back into silence – a much less tense-filled one this time. "If it's any consolation," Sarah said after a moment, "I accidentally poured hot coffee on the scumbag's pants."

"Kicked him in the groin when no one was looking," Carina muttered, lifting her shoulder in a shrug. "That should stop him spawning future rat bastards." A second passed before they broke into light chuckles.

"It was what he deserved for spreading those stories about you," Sarah said.

"He did more than just that."

A beat.

"You know," Sarah started cautiously, "you never really told me the full story. What happened between you and him?"

Silence followed the question. Aside from Julian, no one knew what had transpired between Carina and Marc. Not even Sarah. But maybe, she needed to let the past go. It was what Julian had made her promise.

She pressed her lips together, her eyes trained on the ceiling. For so long she'd kept it to herself, blaming herself completely for the death of her partner all those years ago. Believing that it was her fault. For being so compromised. For her error in judgement. For letting her weakness get in the way. She should have known better.

"He was my handler before he left for the N.S.A," Carina said at last. "He knew about my past, being my handler and all. And he made used of my vulnerability. Of my inexperience to get to the top. I guess I was young, stupid, and needy. But one should have been alerted to what a rotten scum one's boyfriend was when he suggested that his girlfriend sleep with a mark to complete a mission without so much as a pause. Or when he sent his girlfriend and her partner on a dangerous mission even when they weren't ready. That naïve version of me was too eager to please. Too keen to prove to the world what she was capable of despite her partner's advice. It was a fatal mistake, and not only did I have to live with that guilt ever since, but from that day on, agents knew me as the D.E.A slut who'd willingly do anyone to get what she wanted." Carina paused for a few second, and then shrugged. "Doesn't matter to me one way or another. In fact, it suits me very well. Helps keep people from getting close."

Sarah went quiet at her friend's honesty. It wasn't the frank admission itself that was unsettling, it was rather the detached, almost nonchalant way she spoke of the past that slice into her heart.

They remained unmoving in their spot; the sudden stillness of the room weighing heavy on both of them. "Not every man is like that, Carina."

"Only the men in my life."

"We both have grievances with those men we called Dad."

"At least your Dad loves you. He doesn't see you as a mistake. Doesn't treat you like you don't exist."

"Maybe his idea of love is different from normal people," Sarah tried to reason. "He did bequeath you all that wealth after all."

"I don't need his money. I don't need to depend on anyone." It was the first slip of bitterness Sarah could discern from her friend. A flash of resentment. Of barely concealed anger that escaped through her otherwise indifferent exterior. In all the years that they had been friends, Sarah Walker had rarely bear witness to an honest, emotional outburst from Carina. So good was she at locking those feelings away that at times, even Sarah had difficulty gleaning her true emotions. That being said, no matter how adept she was at hiding her feelings, Carina it seemed, couldn't quite suppress how she felt for one curly-haired nerd.

"Chuck too?" Sarah asked, her voice quiet.

Carina sighed. "Sometimes… I blamed you for putting me in this situation. Sometimes I wished you never left. And sometimes… just sometimes… when I looked at him, I envy what you had with him. Because no matter what happened, you'll always be a part of him. Will always occupy a special place in his heart. A place none can touch." She didn't speak for a full minute, staring off into space. Then she exhaled slowly. "He still loves you."

Sarah smiled ruefully, feeling her throat constrict. "He still cares about me, Carina. But I don't have his heart anymore."

"You don't know that."

"I've known it for a while now. I had my doubts the first time all of us met for our briefing at Castle. But it wasn't until that one night, when we talked over pizza, talked about why I left, that I realized," Sarah's voice faltered, her vision suddenly blurred by tears glazing her eyes, "I've lost him. He's not my Chuck anymore. He's someone else's. Ironic, isn't it? I left him because I was afraid that I was losing him. Losing that sweet, innocent, kind man. That he was no longer the Chuck I knew. That I had created a monster by pushing him into the spy life. I was living in guilt and I didn't know how to deal with it. And being the coward that I was, I took the easy way out. I gave him an ultimatum. An unfair one. Because no matter what he did, what the outcome was, he would still lose me. So when he'd pass his red test, I left. I didn't give him a chance to explain. Didn't even say goodbye. Not one of my proud moments."

Carina's chest tightened at her friend's words. Swallowing back the lump in her throat, she bit down on her lips to stop them from quivering. Julian said that only one heart would be broken. But she wondered why her heart was breaking as well. Because she knew what it was like to lose a precious piece of herself and knowing that she would never get it back.

"Has he ever…" Sarah's voice trailed off.

"Twice," Carina responded, understanding the implicit question. "Because he really had to. Or you would have found my pictures in the obituary section. You know how he is with guns."

Sarah nodded with a regretful smile. "That's the Chuck I know. He's different from the men in our world."

"He is."

Turning to look at Carina for the first time since they've lay down on the mat, she spoke, "Then why am I sensing your hesitation?"

"It's not hesitation," she fidgeted, unable to meet Sarah's eyes. "It's just not serious."

Shaking her head, Sarah gave a deep sigh. "We kind of fought over a man. For the very first time. And you're saying it's not serious?" Sarah sat up and looked down into Carina's eyes, her lips carved in a sad little smile. With a soft, wavering voice, Sarah said, "Don't make the same mistake I did, Carina. We're not going to be spies forever."

Carina regarded the blonde for a long moment, and when she eventually spoke, her voice came out in a whisper, "I'm sorry." It was all she could muster.

"I'm going to be fine." A pause before she added, "I will be." Giving Carina's hand a small squeeze, she stood up and padded out of the room, leaving Carina to ponder the words in Sarah's wake.

She wondered if she could ever stand to let him go like Sarah did. Could she see him with someone else? Would she want to? And then she remembered the day she decided to choose Burbank over Brazil. Remembered the moment he opened the door to find her standing with a box of sizzling shrimps.

Closing her eyes momentarily, all she could see now was his elated smile and the unbridled happiness in his eyes when he looked at her. She could feel her heart gave a tiny flutter at the memory. The warmth began spreading, coursing its way through her entire being. When she opened her eyes, she felt a new kind of determination; an unshakable resolve, and a lightness of heart she'd never felt before.

_So this is what it feels like to fall without a safety net_. Exhaling softly, her lips began to curve into the smallest of smiles.

No regrets. No confusion.

Not anymore.


	14. Chapter 14

_So here we are. I didn't think that I could ever get it done. Allow me to take a step back and heave a sigh of relief :)_

_I started 'BM' in early August, 2010, and it took me about two years to get it finished (would have ended a lot earlier if it weren't for a pesky cousin who's still not allowed anywhere near my account anymore). A pretty long time for a measly fourteen chapter story but in that time, I've met so many wonderful people, received so much support, and of course, there were criticisms as well; most are well-meaning, very constructive and helpful.  
_

_Honestly there were countless times when I decided to drop it because sometimes it gets too hard to find the time or the motivation to write. But then, it could be a word of wisdom from a reviewer, or a gentle push of encouragement from the PMs I've received that got me back on track again. Or when I looked at the different countries that my readers come from; places I've never been to such as, Brazil, Russia, Turkey, Germany, etc. I mean just looking at the traffic stats makes me wonder that somewhere out there, someone is reading a story that I wrote. That I've maybe touched them in some ways. And it makes me think; do they hate it? Do they like it? Which chapter is their favourite? Which scenes made them cringe? Or which line was memorable for them? These are the kind of things that spurred me on and got me to finish the story. It's kinda silly but I guess different people work in different ways :) _

_So thank you. Each and every one of you who've left wonderful feedbacks for any of the chapters such as, (sorry, these are the names I can recalled off the top of my head because some were pretty recent and others just left a huge impression on me) __**JML, Arya's prayer, Pinkpowderpuff, Chuckreader, Lancemanion, NickyR, Uplink, Lolitts, Dana, Evangelion, 80montana, Jaytoyz, Sporkmunster Jinxed, Sillyrabbit, Angus, Mobicobult, Michael, njdevil, Phyxgrl, Tynianrex ,**__(don't ask me why but this particular name always stood out for me) and so many others who have made their voices heard(regardless whether you liked it or hated it). I sincerely thank you. And to anyone I've offended with the presence of this story, I apologize. It was never my intention to do so.  
_

_Lastly, but most importantly, to two of my most favourite people who have stood by me from the beginning till the end; my sweet, __**Chazzie**__, and my wonderful friend, __**nikt**__, both of you are the rock in my Chuck fandom world. Love ya lots._

_And here's the last chapter of Beautiful Mess (which is strictly a Charina chapter). _

_Disclaimer: Un-bloody-believable. I finish this story and they still say I can't have Chuck. Fine, Chuck will never be mine but none can lay any claim on Julian. He's strictly mine ;) _

* * *

Eight months, two weeks and thirteen days

That was how long it took all of them to get here. To get to the finish line.

After a long and patient game of identifying all the major players that supplied arms as well as funds to the organisation, the C.I.A. and N.S.A. have simultaneously cut off the limbs of the Ring and forced them to a corner, bringing all their leaders to meet in one supposed secret location. As is always the case when people are desperate, they are often prone to recklessness and mistakes. Their location revealed, the team thus embarked on their one final task, easily capturing those who had masterminded the countless acts of crime.

The Ring, was no more.

Bruised, exhausted but ultimately overwhelmed; not with a sense of triumph but of relief, the team was given some time off before they were handed their next individual assignments. When Chuck received his package, he had gone straight to his room, stared at it, lost in his thoughts.

It was another adventure to places unknown. Probably another continent. Most likely a hazardous mission. If he were lucky, it'd be a short uneventful one. And if not…

Then again, he didn't think it mattered any longer to him where he will go. It just mattered to him who he will be with. Chuck didn't think he could go through it alone again.

So the package had been put aside on his desk – unopened still; intending to wait it out till the rest of the team had a chance to look at theirs.

Chuck had wondered where her destination would be. Or if she had already accepted her mission. Would he stop her from leaving this time? Would he allow another one to walk away?

He had stared up at the ceiling, listening for movements above, aware that Casey and Sarah were preparing to leave on their separate missions. Goodbyes were never easy. Not to him. It had hurt saying his farewell to Casey again. And the subdued send-off he gave to Sarah lingered long even as he made his drive to the beach.

As he took his special spot on the soft sand, Chuck gazed out into the vast open sea, imagining how the parting between the two best friends would be. Would it be bittersweet? Tearful? Did their friendship get stronger at the end of it all? Or had he created a crack in the bond that was forged between the two long-time friends? A crack that they'd masterfully hidden from him.

Because it would help explain a lot. Why Carina had been uncomfortable around him since the night they'd spent together. It felt to him like she was pulling away again. And it had hurt more this time. Then, he knew where she was coming from. What he needed to do to. But now, he was at a lost.

He pulled out his cell phone and browsed through the photos in the gallery, stopping at a particular one. Sighing, he allowed himself a tiny smile as he zoomed on the smiling faces from the photo; a photo of Carina and himself, taken while they were at a night market in Thailand. It was a night when his still healing heart first became aware of another important presence starting to occupy it.

How far they have come. _And how much further he still has to go? _he thought, as he pulled his knees up and hugged them to his chest.

And just like that night on Phuket's beach so many moons ago, Chuck heard her light footfalls approaching. But unlike the sentiment that accompanied him that day, he wasn't feeling all that confident. Not even anticipating her company. On the contrary, he was gripped with a sudden bout of anxiety. He didn't know what to expect. Didn't know what she'd do. What she'd decided to do about her future.

But mostly, he was anxious to know if that future of hers would include him.

"What is it with you and beaches," he heard her mutter as she eased herself down next to him.

He took a while to respond; feeling the weight of her curious gaze on him when he didn't turn to look at her. When he did speak, it came out almost hesitantly, as he chose his words carefully. "Have they left?"

Chuck felt her eyes narrowing at him this time. "They have."

"Good," he stated simply. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw her fold her arms. Not a good sign. Taking a deep breath and exhaling it shakily, he slowly faced her but she had turned her head away from him, staring off into the distance, pouting slightly.

He scooted closer, mentally kicking himself. "Have you received your package?"

"Oh, you're talking to me now? And here I thought I've grown a third head."

A small smile crept its way to his lips despite himself. His hand reached out to push her hair behind her back and let it stay there.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I was worrying about something." He paused. "About us."

She looked at him with a questioning gaze.

He couldn't hold it in much longer. He needed to know. Taking a deep breath, he blurted out, "Are you going to break up with me?"

Slightly taken aback by the question, realization quickly settled across her feature, erasing the confusion from her eyes. She couldn't blame him for feeling the way he did. Not after the way she'd acted after that night. Even away from the presence of Sarah and Casey, she had been uncomfortable displaying any sort of affection around him. With all the mixed signals she'd thrown at him, it was a wonder he hadn't given up trying. That he hadn't walked away.

He was still here. Right beside her.

Hooking her finger around his shirt collar, she pulled it slowly towards her, bringing him closer. All the years she'd spent avoiding any emotional entanglement, had come undone with the appearance of this nerd in her life. So many battles she'd won without fear, so many physical scars she'd received, but it was the scar to her heart that had frightened her the most. It was a battle she'd fought so hard against. And so she'd run. Had kept running. And she would have continued running if she hadn't had a moment of clarity. That more than the fear of opening her heart to him, she was more afraid of losing him.

There was nothing to stop her now.

Tilting her head up, she pressed her lips softly against his, feeling his surprise at the kiss.

"Does that answer your question?" she said as she broke away from the kiss, her hand still on his cheek.

The tension immediately dissipated. Licking his lower lips in response as he blinked away the haziness in his eyes, he began staring at her lips. And then lifting his eyes to meet her gaze, he eked out slowly, "I don't know." He covered her hand with his, the barest hint of amusement playing on his lips. "You weren't really clear with your answer just then. I think you have to do it again."

Biting her lips to stop herself from chuckling, she shot him a sultry gaze. "Is that right?"

"Mmhmm," he nodded enthusiastically.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she moved in, so agonizingly slow, breathing against his lips, as his heart swelled with hope and just as he parted his lips, she pulled back, and flicked his forehead laughingly.

"Firstly," he rubbed at his forehead, "that hurts. But most importantly," he sighed with a smile, "I missed that."

"But what's all that talk about breaking up? I didn't think we were in a relationship in the first place. Did you change your mind or was that all a lie?" she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh crap," he feigned a cringe. "Busted."

"What!"

"I mean I'm not a smooth talker. I can't win a girl with my knowledge on computers." He hung his head in shame but slowly peeked cheekily at her. Until she reached out to twist his ear.

"Aack," he squeaked, grabbing his ear.

"You big jerk. Tricking me into sleeping with you?" she tried to maintain a stern demeanour although she couldn't quite keep the smirk from appearing. And when he pulled his best puppy dog look, complete with a soft whining, she finally started laughing.

When her laughter eventually ceased, his expression turned serious. "I meant it, you know? Every word. We can take it slow. However slow you want it to be." Brushing his knuckles across her cheekbone, he added, "I'll wait."

"Waiting is cruel, Chuck."

"Not if there's hope."

She searched his eyes; searching for the truth in them. Carina didn't need to search long. Her gaze softening, she interlaced her fingers in his. "Let's take a break. Let's go to Paris. Or wherever. Just the two of us."

The smile bloomed on his lips. She couldn't have given him a more perfect answer.

* * *

Having informed the Directors about their plan for an extended break, Chuck and Carina went out on their a dinner date. Satiated, and buzzing with excitement, they'd gone home in high spirits and intended to spend a quiet evening together. Their evening together in a very long time. They relaxed on the couch, propping their feet up on the coffee table of their living room. The television was on, playing a movie that Chuck had popped in the player, but they were hardly paying it any attention as they revel in each other's warmth. Closing her eyes with a sigh when Chuck pressed a kiss on her temple, she shifted slightly, leaning in more against him, her back to his chest. She could live like this. Could get used to being held in his embrace.

And as if in sync with her thoughts, Chuck wrapped his arms tighter across her waist. Inclining her head up, she kissed him on his cheek before Chuck swooped down to capture her lips.

A little breathless as they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his, and cupped his cheek with her hand.

"This nerd sure knows how to kiss," she muttered.

He chuckled lightly at her comment, giving her a peck on her lips. "See? Regretting it aren't you? You should have accepted me a lot sooner, you know."

"Where's the fun in that? Shouldn't you work hard to have someone like me?"

Cocking his head to the side, he grinned, "True but since you were already interested in me long before we even landed in Burbank, I don't see why you should prolong the inevitable."

"Confident much? Don't flatter yourself, nerd boy. I never said I was interested, alright. I was a picture of a true professional in D.C. Strictly. Business."

"Riiiight. Because you've never flirted with me back then. You didn't try to kiss me under the pretext of a mission. Or that you didn't pinch my butt. Or get jealous when the brunette analysts talked to me. And you most certainly never checked me out whenever I stepped out of the shower. Yeah," Chuck paused, stealing another quick kiss, "you were _very, very, _professional."

"You. Big. Liar," she exclaimed in mock indignation. "I disagree with everything you've accused me of. I've never flirted with you. Shame on you for interpreting my friendliness as an overture. The kiss was a necessity because we would have been found otherwise. In fact you were the one who took advantage of the situation by copping a feel. I swear I felt your hands on my impressive derriere," she quickly clamped her hand over his mouth when he started to protest. "So that butt pinching was definitely payback for that _and _for getting me all wet in the rain. And I definitely don't know what you are talking about regarding the jealousy. I don't care who you talked to. Never have. You were the one who went all green-eyed with Mr Ken doll, Mr Rookie, Mr Body… well all those men who took an interest in me. Lastly, you have a nice body," she turned her face away, folding her arms. "It's natural to look."

"You always have to win, don't you?" he laughed good-naturedly, hugging her across her chest. "Fine, you're right. You always are."

"Of course I am. And for future reference, I'm always right. The women always are," she smirked.

"_Future_? So I'm included in that future of yours?"

She didn't respond immediately, her smile slowly waning. Resting her head against his cheek, she stroked the arms that enveloped her. "Don't you want to be?" she said, her voice quiet.

Stunned more by the vulnerability in her voice rather than her question, Chuck was rendered speechless momentarily. More than once she heard Chuck drawing his breath as if to speak but the silence still stretched. Mistaking his silence for hesitation, Carina laughed awkwardly, extracting herself from his embrace with the excuse of getting herself a glass of water. Her movement however was stopped by Chuck's hand around her wrist.

"Carina," he started, his voice soft and imploring. He watched fresh doubt rising again in her eyes; her emotions torn between wanting to flee and staying. Preservation of the heart. Chuck knew it all too well.

Chuck pulled her gently on to his laps, and when she looked at him, he said, "You are the most strong-willed woman I've ever met. You fear no one. You don't care what anyone thinks of you. You always say what you want, do what you want. And you always say that you're okay, even when you're not. But you know what?" he took her hands in his. "You don't have to be strong all the time. You don't have to be alright every time. You have me now," he gazed at her, letting the words sink in. "You can say how you really feel. Because no matter what you've said, what you will say; no matter how many times you've pushed me away… I'm still here. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere, Carina. I've crossed that bridge and I'm not looking back. The past stays only in my memories. You never have to wonder about that. Never have to doubt." Drawing her closer to him, he slid a strand of hair behind her ear, meeting her eyes with an steadfast gaze, he whispered, "Trust me, I'm all yours. Now. And always."

She sat transfixed; the honesty and intimacy of the confession unexpected. Words eluded her for several seconds. She couldn't speak. All she heard was his voice in her head. And all she could see was his warm eyes gazing back at her. Open. Trusting. Understanding. Holding back the tears that threatened to spill, the only thing she could do was cupped her hands over the back of his neck as she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Corny," she said with a cracking voice. "As always."

"I am aren't I?" he said with a soft smile. "I'm lucky I'm cute. Or I wouldn't stand a chance with you."

"That you are," she breathed, brushing away the tears at the edge of her eye before it fell. She fought for the strength to keep her voice steady. Fought the urge to escape with another deflection. Instead she inhaled a shaky breath and spoke, "And for taking so long to get here. For pushing you away all these time… I'm sorry."

A moment passed between them. They had come so far. Denied what they wanted for far too long. Yet the outcome was always going to be the same. Love is not something one can easily hide.

She remembered a quote by Ralph Waldo Emmerson, saying that 'life is a journey, not a destination'. But it was not so much a journey as it was a path of discovery for her these last few years. To discover herself. To discover that she has needs, and wants, just like everyone else. That it was okay to let her guard down once in a while. It was okay to lean on someone sometimes. And that when one door closes, another door will open if one is brave enough to push it. To see what's on the other side.

She had never intended to look. But he came without warning. And she never wanted to feel. Yet, he'd stubbornly latched himself onto her heart. She didn't know when it happened but she was already in the middle when she realized it had begun. That her armour was slowly cracking. Now, it was too late. She was never letting go. Never again.

"Wait. Did you just apologize?" he teased, to lighten the mood, earning him a light smack on his arm. "You did, didn't you?"

"I don't know," she wiped away a trickle of tear as she chuckled. "Did I?"

"What about all that talk about you always being right?"

"Starting now. From now on, I'm always right."

Chuck didn't think that Carina could get more adorable, but here she was being utterly endearing, with that slight pout of hers; he had to stop himself from the sudden urge to hug her tight. "I'll agree to that, but there's one thing you should know. One thing you should do for me first." He appeared so solemn. So serious suddenly that it struck a new fear in her heart.

"It's really important that you do this," he sighed gravely.

She steeled herself and started nodding but Carina's eyes began to narrow when she noticed the barely suppressed grin threatening to make an appearance on his features. "You're going to say," he leaned in close, his warm breath on her lips, "that Chuck Bartowski… is the most awesome boyfriend in the whole wide world." He collapsed in fits of laughter watching her mouth gape open, and then began half laughing and crying out in protest when she began attacking his sides, poking his ribs with her fingers before squeezing his cheeks together with her palms.

"You are such as ass," she growled, wrapping her hands around his neck in a mock strangle.

"Okay, okay," he cried in defeat. "White flag. I'm raising my white flag. Arrgh!" he continued struggling. "I'm gonna tell on you. Ellie, help!" And that was when Carina broke out in peals of laughter and in that moment, Chuck immediately flipped her onto her back and pinned her down on the couch. He looked down, with his forearms on either side of her, his eyes slowly darkening with desire.

"Is this the best you can come up with," she whispered, her breathing becoming heavier. "I could easily-"

Her words were cut off by his mouth touching hers, just a whisper of a kiss before he drew back.

"Not fair," she muttered. When she moved to speak again, the words died on her lips when he kissed her once more. Longer this time as her eyes fluttered close. And when he pulled away for the second time, Carina was having none of it. Reaching up to grab his collar, she said, "Bartowski, either you kiss me properly or I swear to-'

Chuck crashed his lips to hers, tugging her bottom lip, then her top lip, eventually teasing his tongue to the soft, pink flesh. Parting her lips with a sigh, the sound tingled all over his skin, an invitation to explore her mouth. Slipping his tongue into her, they tasted each other deeply, enjoying the sweet and hot tussle as they continued to make every moment last. Wanting to feel every moment of it thoroughly. As his hands started to roam across her body, she broke the kiss, pushing him back gently. Slipping away from him, she sat up and pretended to ignore a very dazed, and a very confused, Chuck.

"Ah well," she shook her head in mock regret, putting some distance between them on the couch. "Too bad we're taking it slow," she made a show of examining her nails, while maintaining an airy attitude as she watched Chuck struggle to speak. "Aren't we, Chuck?" she smiled demurely, noticing his flushed cheeks. _Payback's a bitch, _she thought, choking back her laughter.

Humming in contentment, she stared straight ahead, acting as if she was absorbed with the scenes playing on the television screen. "What a great movie," she mused. "The heroine is such a tease. Don't you think," she turned to look at him, her face a picture of innocence, "honey?"

She let out a tiny yelp when Chuck suddenly moved to grab her, lifting her up in his arms.

"Where do you think you're taking me?" she said as he carried her away from the couch, heading towards her room.

"To your room."

"I thought we're taking it slow?"

"We are. I'm just carrying my girlfriend to bed."

"Says who?"

"Says your boyfriend."

"Nuh, uh. I don't think so. Told you I don't do relationship."

"So what am I if not your boyfriend?"

"Umm… my boy toy?" she teased.

He gasped. "That's preposterous! I'm not someone who can easily be bought." Then he shrugged, "Although if you buy me that 'Totoro' figurine that I showed to you on the net yesterday, I might consider it."

"I'll buy you the whole set."

"Okay, it's a deal," he said quickly.

"Figured you come cheap."

Nodding solemnly, he agreed, "So cheap. Kinda sad, actually."

Both stared at each other for a second and burst out in chuckles. Easing her gently onto the bed, Chuck wrapped his arms around her protectively as she laid her head on his chest. They didn't feel the need to speak; merely enjoying the feel of each other's warm embrace.

Exhaling softly, Carina was the first to break the silence. "I don't want to like you too much."

"I think it's too late." He held her even tighter, trying to close as much space between them. "I think you already have."

A beat. "When did you start becoming so smart?"

His lips curved in a gentle smile. "I've always been smart. Isn't that the reason why you like me so much? That and my good looks?"

Propping herself up with her elbow, she leaned in towards him, whispering in his ears, before lying back down as she waited for his reaction.

Startled at first, the gravity of what she'd told him, what it meant for her to be sharing a piece of herself with him finally caused him to beam down at her; his eyes brimming with joy and gratitude.

"It's a beautiful name. Should I call you that from now on?"

She thought about it, and then shook her head. "No. I love the name Carina."

His expression softened, gazing at her for a long, wordless moment. Then with a tender smile, Chuck whispered, "I love Carina too."

She lay there, stunned, not breathing. Her world suddenly ceased to spin. Searching her heart for the fear she was certain his words would bring, waiting for the surging panic to rear its unwanted head, she was pleasantly surprised to realize; there were none.

When she finally drew a breath, Carina planted a long, slow kiss on his lips. A kiss full of meaning. Filled with promise. She said nothing. But her kiss and her smile implied everything. In the moment's silence that they shared gazing at one another, a moment that seemed to stretch for an eternity, they knew that life was forever changed.

The past was now well and truly behind them. Forever gone.

A new chapter was about to begin.

* * *

_**minirix's final note (since it's the last chapter and all) **  
_

_my fav chapter: forever and always the first chapter. (it's my first, what can I say)  
_

_fav scene: it's a tie between the hershey kiss, and the Casey and Carina scene  
_

_chapters I could do without: 10 and 11. Reading them again, I was kinda disappointed with how the chapters turned out.  
_

_scene that had me torn (something that I don't have the heart to revisit again): Chuck's and Sarah's pizza scene. Hurts me to write it. Hurts me to read it.  
_

_So what are yours? Care to share? :)  
_

_And on that note, for the last time, thanks for reading. It's a wrap (always wanted to say that)._


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